Top 10 signs the end is near 

A total eclipse of the sun is coming in April and it may be a sign that the end is near. There are other dark omens hiding in plain sight. That's why the staff here at Smart Bomb teamed up with clairvoyant Helga Olga Helga to enumerate those dire signs for your safety. Here they are:

10. BYU freshmen will be required to read Latter-day Saint Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's “musket speech” that says members of the LGBTQ community must be shot with muskets.
9. A majority of American Christians believe President Joe Biden is directly related to Beelzebub.
8. South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem, who is auditioning to be Trump's VP, posted an infomercial video promoting a cosmetic dentistry and fanny lift practice in Texas.
7. Salt Lake City will hold the 2034 Winter Olympic Games, featuring honorary host and big game hunter Tom Welch riding a camel in the Opening Ceremony.
6. Sen. Mike Lee calls for the dismantling of the TSA, saying Americans deserve less groping at airports.
5. Alta tells UDOT to stuff the proposed Little Cottonwood Canyon gondola.
4. Oprah resigns from WeightWatchers and joins the U.S. Bodybuilding Federation.
3. Martha Stewart gives the Republican response to Biden's State of the Union address.
2. House Republicans begin impeachment of First Lady Jill Biden.
And the No. 1 sign the end could be near: The Utah Legislature is betting $900 million of Salt Lake City taxpayer dollars that Major League Baseball is coming to Rose Park.

Arm in Arm—Strange Giant Statue to Help US Cope
It will be the best thing since sliced bread. No, wait, it'll be the best thing since ... The Statue of Liberty.

It's “The Statue of Responsibility” and it's going to be right here in Zion, nestled into the massive, billion-dollar, high tech center in Draper to be called The Point. It will be as tall as Lady Liberty in New York Harbor and it's only going to cost $350 million—in private funds (or so they say). No Wilson, we are not making this up.

It will be two gigantic arms with hands clasping the other's wrist, rising 300 feet into our blue, blue sky. If that doesn't say “responsibility,” what does? People driving along Interstate 15 at The Point of the Mountain will pass it and say, “look at those big arms, maybe it has something to do with the Mormons?” They could put up a big sign that says, “This is 'The Statue of Responsibility' that's like The Statue of Liberty, only different.”

The hope is that it will remind people, including Utah legislators, to not be so righteous and try a little kindness. Right. There is an inscription on The Statue of Liberty that says: “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” So they could put one on The Statue of Responsibility that says something like: “Give us your techies, land developers, your huddled capitalists yearning to get rich.” Well, maybe not.

The Odor of Mendacity
Mendacity stinks and where there's stink, there's something rotten. In the Georgia voter fraud case against Donald Trump and 18 other defendants, the judge smelled a foul odor—one of the foulest smells known to man, the odor of mendacity.

Judge Scott McAfee found no conflict of interest as alleged regarding a tryst between Fulton County D.A. Fani Willis and a prosecutor she hired for the voter fraud case—Nathan Wade. Nonetheless, either Willis or Wade had to leave the criminal case, the judge ordered, not because there was damning evidence but because it just didn't smell right. (Wade has resigned from the case.)

The mendacity, or prevarication, or straight-up lying had to do with timing—when did Willis and Wade start “dating” and was Willis getting kickbacks from Wade? No Wilson, “kickbacks” is not in the Kama Sutra. And no, there was no evidence of kickbacks.

Still, it was necessary to hold the two-month-long hearing because the allegation was so odiferous. Their relationship in the midst of the criminal case gave the “appearance of impropriety.” And if there's one thing judges hate almost as much as the odor of mendacity, it's the appearance of impropriety. Of course, it all has nothing to do with an organized effort to steal an election, but it was a fun distraction.

Postscript—That's it for another rockin' week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of satanic cults so you don't have to. The great patriot and football coach-turned-U.S. senator from Alabama and instrument of all that can't be understood—Tommy Tuberville—was in Utah to warn of a satanic cult that is taking away our kids.

“If we can’t get back to [The Bible and the Constitution] and let the Democrats continue to push this cult on us and take God away from our country, we’re going to have huge problems,” Tuberville told The Salt Lake Tribune.

Of course, Tuberville is an ardent supporter of that Godly former president and four-times-criminally-indicted mastermind, Donald Trump. Bye the bye, Trump said that if he isn't elected president in November there will be a “bloodbath.” Wonder if he's talking about the blood of all those Satan-worshiping Democrats.

On a lighter note, Utah Gov. Spencer Cox was a featured speaker at a prestigious Washington, D.C. soiree where he told a few jokes, including this one: “It really is such an honor to be at the famed Gridiron dinner. You see, they usually don’t let farm kids like me into rooms like this … unless you count Jan. 6. And even then we had to really push and shove our way in.” BAM! POW! ZING!

Well Wilson, our old friend Satan keeps hanging around even in places he's not wanted. It's funny that people who say they hate Satan keep doing nasty stuff. Tommy Tuberville and his ilk can't just disagree with those damn Democrats, they want to burn them at the stake. So why don't you and the guys in the band play a little something for Tommy and the “Christians” like him:

Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul and faith

So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I'll lay your soul to waste...
“Sympathy For The Devil”—The Rolling Stones