Lookout! Earthquakes, eclipses and signs from God 

Marjorie Taylor Greene has a message for all of America: God is watching. Y'all better repent, the Georgia MAGA star warned. We got earthquakes and eclipses and all kinds of stuff and there's gonna be an Apocalypse if Donald Trump is not elected.

Yikes, this is serious. As you may recall, MTG compared Trump to Jesus because, like Christ, he is being persecuted by a dastardly government. That's bad.

It's lucky we've got MTG around. She also pulled the covers back on “Nancy Pelosi’s gazpacho police,” who use cold soup against her enemies. They're practically as bad as Hitler's Gestapo.

“She’s a traitor to our country, she’s guilty of treason,” MTG said of the former speaker of the House. “And it’s a crime punishable by death is what treason is.”

The Georgia firebrand has knowledge of myriad concerns of the day. She came out strongly against “fake meat” that is grown in “peach tree dishes.” It's all some kind of dietary conspiracy to change the DNA of children and turn them into Democrats.

When Marjorie Taylor Greene speaks, people listen. Now she's got Speaker Mike Johnson in her crosshairs because he staved off a government shutdown by cooperating with Democrats and there is no sin worse than that. Those eclipses and earthquakes aren't foolin' around.

Daylight Saving Time on the Moon?
If you think switching to Daylight Saving Time is hard here on Earth, think what it will be like on the moon. That's right, U.S. scientists will soon assign the moon its very own time.

In the future, when we colonize it, people up there won't want to go on Earth time because it could screw everything up. A day on Earth is 24 hours. A day on the moon is 29.5 Earth days. No Wilson, we are not making this up.

Golfers on the moon might like it, but if you suffer from seasonal affective disorder (SAD) you could get messed up. Talk about depressing. Put another way: during any given day on the moon, it will be daylight for about two Earth weeks and then dark for about two Earth weeks.

Greenwich Mean Time—which is our standard based on the Greenwich Meridian in London—could get confusing on the moon. On the other hand, English astronauts might throw a wobbly if they could only take tea once every fortnight.

New terms would have to be invented for life on the moon. For example, what would “pack a lunch” mean? Pack 14 lunches? Would “see you tomorrow” mean see you in two weeks? What about, “take the rest of the day off.” The four-day work week?

It gives the Theory of Relativity a very weird feel. Where is Einstein when you need him.

Nasty Emails: Baseball Strikes Out in City of Salt
The staff here at Smart Bomb put together an investigative unit to get to the bottom of the plan to bring the Bigs to the City of Salt. Along the way, a raft of emails came into their possession. Here is a sample:
Councilman 1: “We're getting hosed. The mayor is getting sucked in. She should play hardball—no pun intended.”
Councilman 2: “She's playing patty-cake with those vipers. They could turn around and bite us right in the situation.”
Councilman 1: “This is starting to feel like some kind of shell game. One team goes here; one team goes there; nothing up their sleeve; and then the pea disappears.”
Councilman 2: “And we're left holding an empty bag and the tax increment turns into tiger butter.”
Councilman 1: “Don't look at the man behind the curtain.”
Councilman 2: “I'm starting to feel like the Palestinians. What about the Geneva Conventions and everything?”
Councilman 1: “We're outgunned. They've got the Republicans and the developers.”
Councilman 2: “A distinction without a difference.”
Councilman 1: “I saw Willie Mays hit a home run at Derks Field when I was 9.”
Councilman 2: “How did this happen? We just got thrown out of the game.”

Postscript—That'll do it for another week of springtime in the Rockies, where we keep track of freedom of the press so you don't have to. Old saw: Freedom of the press belongs to those who own one.

Matthew Prince is a billionaire who moved to Park City recently and bought the town's historic newspaper, The Park Record. He also bought land on a hill overlooking Old Town Park City and proposed building a very big house there. When neighbors objected to the McMansion, Price sued them and then wrote a screed in his very own newspaper explaining how dumb Park City government is. Call it freedom of the press.

From our “truth-telling” file, this: Rep. Mike Turner, R-Ohio, is complaining that his GOP colleagues are parroting Russian propaganda regarding Putin's war in Ukraine, saying it's all about NATO—which is ... well, propaganda. Mike McCaul, R-Texas, added that Russian propaganda had “infected” the Republican Party’s base. What a surprise.

No secret, Donald Trump doesn't want to fund Ukraine and is buddies with Russian dictator Vladimir Putin. Meanwhile, Trump said he knows how to end the war—just give Crimea and Donbas to Putin and call it good. See, that wasn't so difficult, was it?

Well Wilson, bad omens abound. We got eclipses, earthquakes, blizzards and floods. It's not that we want to focus only on the negative but when the sun goes out, what can you do? The eclipse won't last long but what it foretells might. So get the guys in the band to put down their moon rocks and take us out with an anthem for the times:

I see the bad moon a-rising
I see trouble on the way
I see earthquakes and lightning
I see bad times today

Well, don't go around tonight
Well, it's bound to take your life
There's a bad moon on the rise
“Bad Moon On The Rise”—Credence Clearwater Revival