The Grand Old Party of Fools and the Hunter Biden Ruse 

Looks like Hunter Biden won't get impeached after all. The main witness in the Grand Old Party of Fools (GOPF) investigation turns out to be a Russian agent who also was an FBI informant.

He's the dude who Republicans said had the goods on Hunter and Joe Biden who—according to the witness—cashed in for millions in exchange for all kinds of nefarious deeds. Mr. BigWitness now has been indicted for lying to the FBI. Oops. Despite the comedy of errors, head henchman Rep. James Comer (R-Ky.), chairman of the House Oversight Committee, refused to be embarrassed.

Of course, this is not about Hunter Biden—it's a charade to link his father, the president, with wrongdoing and corruption. It's reminiscent of the GOPF's 10-chapter Benghazi investigation aimed at tainting Hillary Clinton for the 2012 attack on the U.S. Embassy in Libya.

That vaudeville run was produced by Utah's own then-GOPF Rep. Jason Chaffetz. With this new cold bucket of reality, the wet dream of impeaching Joe Biden is sliding down the drain of Republican politics-as-usual.

But the show is far from over, Donald Trump is now accusing Joe Biden of a “conspiracy to overthrow the United States of America.” Projection and Gaslighting—the same old song. The Grand Old Party of Fools really needs some new material.

Ten Awful Laws Almost Passed by Utah Republicans
After 45 days of hell, you can come out of your bunker. Utah legislators have gone back under their rocks. So we can breathe easy, if you can call it that, after inhaling the poisonous dust from 800 square miles of exposed lakebed of the dying Great Salt Lake.

As bad as things were, the 2024 edition of the LDS Church Capitol Hill extension could have been worse. Here are some of the things that didn't quite get passed:

10. A proposal requiring all trans people to wear a big, red “T” on their foreheads.
9. Genital checking monitors at all high school restrooms.
8. Replacing school counselors with Mormon missionaries.
7. Removing all books from school libraries that don't reference Jesus.
6. Requiring the homeless to camp under the smokestacks at Mag Corp.
5. Banning Pride Flags under penalty of a $299 fine and 30 days of Sunday School.
4. Mandating that all teachers carry loaded .357 Magnums.
3. A bounty on all federal BLM and Forest Service rangers.
2. Moving all the water from Utah Lake to Great Salt Lake.
1. Requiring Utah legislators to take an oath of loyalty to Donald Trump.

Supreme Court Goes Through the Looking Glass
The U.S. Supreme Court is set to determine in April if a president can assassinate his political rivals and simply skate. Yep, we've gone through the looking glass—be on the lookout for grinning Cheshire Cats (Clarence Thomas) and Mad Hatters (Samuel Alito).

This is the first time that a criminally indicted former president is running for the White House. If a president wants to overthrow the government to remain in office (as Trump did on and leading up to Jan. 6, 2021), it's not a crime because the president enjoys absolute criminal immunity. For real, Wilson, that's what Trump's lawyers are arguing, as though we're in Alice in Wonderland or something.

It follows, then, that if said president knocks off his political opponents, it's no big deal. Putin, anyone? The Supremes want to weigh in on this bizarre notion, despite a detailed ruling by the D.C. Court of Appeals that found: “Former President Trump lacked any lawful discretionary authority to defy federal criminal law and he is answerable in court for his conduct.”

Nonetheless, the high court is going down Trump's delay-delay rabbit hole. Ironically, should it rule in Trump's favor, President Biden could have Trump knocked off without repercussions. Quick, find a Hookah-smoking Caterpillar and Seal Team Six.

Postscript—That's a wrap for another blustery week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of the dying Great Salt Lake because Utah lawmakers won't. There are at least 800 square miles of exposed lakebed where poisons have accumulated over decades. Maybe you tasted them during last week's gale?

But the real danger, according to Utah lawmakers, is trans kids using public restrooms. The lake is teetering on the edge of ecosystem collapse, but don't worry, maybe the Lord will fix it. A majority of those wise Utah legislators voted to endorse Donald Trump for president, saying he represents “Utah values.” The good news is that Gov. Spencer Cox and Sen. Mitt Romney, both Republicans, said they could not vote for the four-times criminally indicted former president who was found guilty of massive fraud in New York, bragged about grabbing women's genitals, had a fling with a porn star and lost a defamation suit based on his sexual assault of a New York City writer in a department store changing room. Well heck, if those aren't Utah values, what are? Alright Utah, just keep voting Republican because they have your best interests at heart—or not.

OK Wilson, we know you and the guys in the band have something special for the Supreme Court. The justices have been on a roll lately on abortion, guns, environmental protection, racial discrimination, labor rights and other issues that make us think they're smoking too much ibogaine. So, hit it Wilson:

One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all
Go ask Alice
When she's ten feet tall

When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead
And the White Knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen's off with her head
Remember what the dormouse said
Feed your head
Feed your head
“White Rabbit”—Jefferson Airplane