8. An imminent attack by the Moon People: "It´ll happen at night, most likely."
7. The quickening depletion of Utah´s taffy reserves.
6. The secret Mexico-Canada superhighway; unchecked landscaper/lumberjack trafficking.
5. Ongoing digital TV transition fallout: "I still can´t get NCIS!"
4. The complete absence of a Buca di Beppo in Utah County.
3. Satan´s influence over spring break and other events where girls tend to "go wild."
2. Civil unions for gay couples: "Heavenly Father created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Ramrod."
1. Science and/or schmience.