Available Jones | The Ocho | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

Available Jones 

Eight great achievements by Utah Gov. Gary Herbert during eight years in office.

Pin It
Favorite
click to enlarge news_ocho1-1.jpg

8. Successfully drove out the scourge of Outdoor Retailer and all that dirty “outside” money.
7. Transitioned between the “Rascally Squirrel” and “Wiley Gentleman” toupée models seamlessly.
6. Took piles of campaign cash from Big Medical, Big Highway and Big Coal; insisted there would be no quid pro quo.
5. Looked up the term “quid pro quo” all by himself like a big boy.
4. Endorsed Donald Trump; withdrew endorsement of Donald Trump; voted for Donald Trump.
3. Somehow actually cheapened the Sharknado franchise.
2. Suppressed the information that “Available Jones” was a male prostitute in ancient comic strip Li’l Abner.
1. Provided The Ocho with eight years of material that almost wrote itself. Almost.

Pin It
Favorite

Tags:

More by Bill Frost

  • Get Happy!

    Happy! brings the weirdness to Syfy; Fuller House further erodes 'Merica.
    • Nov 29, 2017
  • Thanks for Nothin'

    Eight things you just don't want to hear from family this Thanksgiving.
    • Nov 22, 2017
  • Rated Xmas

    Screw Thanksgiving—bring on the Christmas TV!
    • Nov 22, 2017
  • More »

Latest in The Ocho

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Orrin 4 Life

    Eight campaign slogans for Sen. Orrin Hatch’s run for an eighth term
    • Mar 29, 2017
  • Do Your (Other) Job

    Eight temporary private-sector jobs for future Utah guv Jason Chaffetz:
    • Apr 26, 2017

© 2018 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation