Women's Smackdown breaks out in the halls of Congress | Opinion | Salt Lake City Weekly

Women's Smackdown breaks out in the halls of Congress 

Smart Bomb: The completely unnecessary news analysis

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Well Wilson, they say politics is a blood sport. A hearing of the House Oversight Committee gave a birds-eye view of the machinations of Congress in these topsy-turvy times when decorum has been thrown out with the baby and the bathwater.

Marjorie Taylor Greene (R-GA.): “I don’t think you know what we’re here for,” she said to Rep. Jasmine Crockett (D-TX.). “I think your fake eyelashes are messing up what you’re reading.”

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY.): “That is absolutely unacceptable. How dare you attack the physical appearance of another person?"

MTG: “Are your feelings hurt?”

AOC: “Oh girl, oh baby girl, don’t even play.”

Chairman James Comer (R-KY) hammered his gavel and said MTG's comments did not violate House rules.

JFG: "I'm just curious, just to better understand your ruling," Crockett said to Comer. “If someone on this committee then starts talking about somebody's bleach blond, bad-built butch body, that would not be engaging in personalities, correct?"

No Wilson, we are not making this up. The House is starting to look like a WWE Smackdown. Soon they'll be doing Atomic Leg Drops and Gorilla Press Slams. Get ready to Rumble!

My Wife Did It
OK Wilson, pretend you sit on the U.S. Supreme Court. And suppose you raised the American flag upside-down in front of your house for all the world to see.

Take into account that an inverted Old Glory has been adopted by the Jan. 6 insurrectionists and the “Stop the Steal” movement launched by Donald Trump after he lost the 2020 election. And what if the high court was considering a number of legal cases surrounding the insurrection, including Trump's claim that as president he had absolute immunity?

Should you recuse yourself from those cases due to an appearance of conflict? Of course not! Yes, we're talkin' about Justice Sam “The Sham” Alito, who operates in his own rarified bubble of imperious smoke and mirrors.

Oh, did we mention that he didn't raise the flag of the insurrectionists? Oh no, that was his wife. Ha! That's it, Sam “The Sham,” blame the wife. After all, she was the one who forced you to take that exclusive fishing trip to Alaska on a billionaire's dime who just happened to have business before the court.

And of course, it was his wife who made him write the incendiary majority decision in the case overturning Roe v. Wade, which accuses the 1973 court that judged the landmark women's rights case of being silly fools who had gone off the rails. Thank you, Mrs. Alito.

Guv Again Cheers Cops Beating Peaceful Protesters
Spencer Cox is a nice Mormon alfalfa farmer who, by some strange happenstance, is governor. A while back, he made national headlines for urging folks to fight nicer. “As a country, the only way to change people’s hearts and minds is to understand those hearts and minds.”

Such a sweet boy, that Spencer. But wait, something has happened. Someone must have slipped ibogaine into his Postum ‘cause he doubled down, again praising riot cops for beating the living daylights out of peaceful protesters.

On April 29, some 300 students gathered on President's Circle at the University of Utah to protest the killing of 35,000 noncombatants in Gaza—mostly women and children—with American-made bombs. “I thought they handled it brilliantly,” Cox said of the riot police smashing the peaceful protest. “Just so proud of how that went down.”

He might have added that the student protesters should have been nicer before police in riot gear began clocking them with batons. Coincidentally, or not, Gov. Cox is running for reelection and his TV ads brag that he is protecting “your Second Amendment rights.”

First Amendment rights, not so much. Although earlier he did say he worships the right to free speech, except when he doesn't. Sounds like a campaign slogan, doesn't it?

Postscript—That's gonna do it for another crazy week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of sycophantic ass-kissers so you don't have to.

In a display right out of “The Emperor's New Clothes,” a gang of GOP congressmen—wearing matching clown suits with red ties—materialized at Trump's “Hush Money Trial” in New York City to curry favor with the head orangutan and bellow the threats and insults that their master was barred from speaking by a court gag order. It was a hoax, a setup, a witch hunt.

There they were, prostrating themselves in public for Dear Leader, who was caught up in a fraudulent payoff scheme after he banged a porn star. They know no shame—their ties may have been red, but their faces were not.

It was difficult to tell who Sen. Tommy Tuberville (R-AL) was talking about when he said: “How can you be convinced by somebody that is a serial liar? I mean, there should be no reason that anybody should listen to this guy.” Was he referring to Michael Cohen or Donald Trump? Hmmm. It's just too bad this troupe of synchronized sycophants can't be this organized in D.C.—they've already got the clown suits.

Well Wilson, those GOP clowns sure could have used a little theme music during their show in the Big Apple. But what the heck, we ought to close out this week's Smart Bomb with a little something for them on account of how they just made history. So, get the band to put on some red ties and take us on outta here:

Isn't it rich?
Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground
You in mid-air
Send in the clowns

Isn't it bliss?
Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around
One who can't move
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns

Just when I'd stopped opening doors
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours
Making my entrance again with my usual flair
Sure of my lines
No one is there

Don't you love farce?
My fault, I fear
I thought that you'd want what I want
Sorry, my dear
But where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns
Don't bother, they're here
“Send In The Clowns”—Stephen Sondheim

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