Mike Lee, bonkers over Donald Trump’s guilty verdict, wants payback. | Opinion | Salt Lake City Weekly

Mike Lee, bonkers over Donald Trump’s guilty verdict, wants payback. 

Smart Bomb: The completely unnecessary news analysis

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Utah's Sen. Mike Lee has had it with all the injustice done to his hero, Donald Trump. The Biden White House just convicted Trump of 34 felonies for falsification of business records and Lee's not going to take it.

The toady-for-life has joined with seven other Trumpriots—Sens. J.D. Vance (R-Ohio), Tommy Tuberville (R-Ala.), Eric Schmitt (R-Mo.), Marsha Blackburn (R-Tenn.), Rick Scott (R-Fla.), Roger Marshall (R-Kan.) and Marco Rubio (R-Fla.)—who will hold their collective breaths until all meaningful work in the U.S. Senate crawls to a stop. “The White House has made a mockery of the rule of law and fundamentally altered our politics in un-American ways,” they wrote in a letter sent by stork to the big judge in the sky.

President Joe Biden and his minions have weaponized the legal system, they argue, leading to 34 unanimous guilty verdicts issued by a jury of Trump's peers. “Those who turned our judicial system into a political cudgel must be held accountable.”

Some hinted that Lee may toilet paper Jenny Wilson's house, since the Salt Lake County mayor is one of the only Democrats in Utah. But what about that thing where Trump could shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and get away with it? Well, no more—and you know it's gotta be Biden's fault.

Flying Driverless Taxis, Oh My!
Here's a recent headline from the Deseret News: “Would you get on a flying taxi without a pilot?” (Expletive deleted) No!

We're not kiddin' about this Wilson. They're coming and there's nothing we can do about it. And you thought The Jetsons—the animated futuristic comedy of the 1960s, where people got around in flying cars would never happen. Never say never.

Still, if the driverless automobile taxis in San Francisco are any indicator, we could be in for some scary rides. The San Francisco autonomous taxis malfunctioned regularly, causing massive traffic jams all over the city. They blocked streets impeding emergency vehicles; they drove through wet cement and generally scared the hell out of everyone. The California DMV finally suspended their use.

But get this: An outfit called Project Alta says it will have operational air taxis in Salt Lake City in time for the 2034 Winter Olympics. (No, the site for the 2034 Games has not yet been selected, although Salt Lake City is the leading candidate.) You're right Wilson, it does sound like pie in the sky. And what if the pie falls out of the sky? What's the polite way to say squashed bodies. Collateral damage?

On a positive note, the sky taxis could be a perfect compliment to the proposed space-age “entertainment district” downtown—the Jetsons would love it.

Lordy, They’re Weaponizing the Flag, Too
No one in their right mind could possibly think that an upside-down American flag flying at the house of Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito could mean he supports Jan. 6 rioters, election deniers or Donald Trump. So said Alito in a pretentious letter to Democratic Sens. Richard Durbin and Sheldon Whitehouse regarding their plea to Chief Justice John Roberts that Alito be recused from the case of Trump v. United States.

It's like this, Alito said: “My wife did it!” He asked her to take the flag down, but she told him to stuff it. As to the “Appeal to Heaven” flag, which was flown at his beach house—well, “My wife did that, too,” Alito said. (Both flags have been adopted by MAGA and election deniers.)

Alito's wife, Marth-Ann, has First Amendment rights, too, he barked. And she's quite the battle ax, so he doesn't like to mess with her. Dems observe that Alito clearly has the appearance of bias in favor of Trump and his claim of total immunity when he directed a mob to attack the Capitol on Jan. 6. Balderdash, Alito exclaimed. No reasonable person who is not motivated by politics or ideology could possibly think he's biased because he keeps his Christian Nationalist predilections to himself.

Democrats have weaponized flags and other stuff, Alito said, like the free vacations he gets from billionaires. It totally sucks, right Martha-Ann?

Postscript—That'a a wrap for another fun-filled week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of presidential polling, so you don't have to. Well Wilson, Trump was found guilty of 34 class E felonies. Now, the big question: Will it help him or hurt him in the Nov. 5 election?

Some pundits say it will give him a boost because it will energize his base. Within hours of the guilty verdict, his campaign took in more than $60 million in contributions. But other observers say, “not so fast”—undecided voters might not want a convicted felon in the White House.

Yes Wilson, that would make a good bumper sticker: Let's Put A Felon In The White House. It's funny how that works in a backwards kinda of way.

Biden and Trump will square off in debate on June 27 and that could, according to Dan Balz of the Washington Post, bring into focus two questions undecided voters must ask themselves. One: Which candidate poses the bigger threat to the future of the country? Two: which candidate will make the lives of Americans better than they are today?

On the other hand, if it turns into a WWE wrestling match, well who knows ... Titan Trump with his signature bodyslam vs. Batman Biden and his sneaky snake chokehold. Get the popcorn, Louise, it's going to be The Thrilla in Atlanta.

Well shucks Wilson, poor old Martha-Ann Alito, she's been havin' a time of it and of course so has her Sammy Pooh. So the staff here at Smart Bomb is wondering if you and the guys in the band don't have a little something up your sleeve for the couple of the moment:

When a man loves a woman,
Can't keep his mind on nothin' else,
He'd change the world for the good thing he's found.
If she is bad, he can't see it,
She can do no wrong,
Turn his back on his best friend if he put her down.
When a man loves a woman,
He'll spend his very last dime
Tryin' to hold on to what he needs.
He'd give up all his comforts
And sleep out in the rain,
If she said that's the way
It ought to be.
Well, this man loves you, woman.
I gave you everything I have,
Tryin' to hold on to your heartless love.
Baby, please don't treat me bad.
When a man loves a woman,
Down deep in his soul,
She can bring him such misery.
If she is playin' him for a fool,
He's the last one to know.
Lovin' eyes can never see.
“When a Man Loves a Woman”—Percy Sledge

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