Is a bronze turd monument the new Liberty Bell? Not exactly. 

We'd say you wouldn't believe this Wilson, but these days almost anything goes. A giant pile of bronze poop graced the nation's capital this past week, an ode to the Jan. 6 rioters—er uh, “patriots.”

The mysterious monument, parked Oct. 24 between the Capitol building and the National Mall, recognizes the day that will live in infamy. The inscription upon its base reads: “This memorial honors the brave men and women who broke into the United States Capitol on January 6, 2021, to loot, urinate and defecate throughout those hallowed halls in order to overturn an election.”

The big bronze monument exists in our two worlds: the one where Jan. 6 was an insurrection aimed at nullifying the election of Joe Biden; and the one where thousands of patriots gathered for a day of fun and love and patriotism. More than 1,200 of them have been charged with felonies in connection with the events of that day—460 are serving prison sentences.

It's as though we've collided with a parallel universe, or maybe it's The Twilight Zone. Here at Smart Bomb the staff calls it Trump World.

The big bronze pile of poop sits on a desk with the nameplate of former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, in remembrance of those who claimed to have defecated on it—a true American statement, if ever there was one. This, of course, has nothing to do with the fact that since Ronald Reagan, the GOP has stoked fear and loathing of the government of the United States. Call it coincidence.

Open Wide SLC—Here Comes the Next Big Sports District
If you liked Ryan Smith's pie-in-the sky sports district real estate development plans for downtown, you're just gonna love the fast-tracked Major League Baseball stadium plans for 93 acres on the west side. Salt Lake City has developed zoning ordinances and planning procedures over decades with an eye toward well-planned communities, but those things are no longer necessary with big projects like these because ... well, just because.

This is the new laissez-faire planning paradigm, where money talks and everyone else can shut the hell up. The Larry H. Miller Co. has a grand plan to lure a Major League Baseball team to the City of Salt that includes big developments on either side of North Temple at 1500 West—a Big League stadium as well as commercial and residential developments and maybe some entertainment venues, too. But like Smith's Jazz/Hockey entertainment district surrounding the Delta Center, Miller's MLB thing is shrouded in vagueness and big promises not to worry.

Assisting tremendously in both cases is the Utah Legislature that likes to help Salt Lake City do what lawmakers and their big-money pals want. In this case, that's a sealed deal between the city and Miller Co. by Dec. 31—of this year. After all, when have state lawmakers screwed things up? The last time they helped like this was when they put a deadline on Salt Lake City for three new homeless centers. That worked out just fine—well, not exactly.

As McDonald’s Goes, So Goes The Nation … E. Coli?
Like it or not, McDonald's is a symbol of America, here and across the globe. Now the Golden Arches have been dragged into the presidential election.

Kamala Harris put up her working-class bonafides by recalling working there as a teen. Donald Trump called her a stinkin' liar (imagine fibbing about working at a burger joint) and then shoveled french fries last week for a photo-op at a McDonald's in Pennsylvania. Take that Kamala!

Ironically, the vast burger chain has been struck by an outbreak of E. coli, which might not have anything to do with Trump, but who knows. Russians love McDonald's, so do the French. The Golden Arches are big in Buenos Aires, too. What can you say?

Here at Smart Bomb, our anthropologists can't figure it. Wilson and the guys in the band won't go near the place unless they've got the stoned-out munchies and there's no Burger King in sight. Still, Americans from coast to coast line up all day long for Egg McMuffins, McNuggets, Big Macs and french fries.

But hold on to your ketchup packet, french fry sales are sharply down at McDonald's and its main supplier has shuttered one of its frozen spud plants. What's up? Nationally, fast food sales are down 3%. From April to June, McDonald's global sales were off 1%.

But take heart, McDonald's brass says its french fries have a bright future. Whether that's true for politics in the United States of America is a different question altogether.

Postscript—That's a wrap for another historic week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of McDonald's so you don't have to. On a more serious note, a new Deseret News/Hinckley Institute of Politics poll shows Donald Trump ahead of Kamala Harris in Utah by 30 points.

Trump voters in the Beehive State apparently don't care that their guy was found guilty of 34 felonies in a New York hush money case involving a porn star. They apparently don't care that he's still facing felony charges in Washington, D.C. for his attempted coup after losing the 2020 election.

They don't care that he has been indicted for conspiring to change the election outcome in Georgia through a criminal enterprise. They don't care that he illegally removed troves of classified documents to his Florida resort, where guests and employees had access to them.

They don't care that a jury found that he sexually abused E. Jean Carroll in a department store dressing room. They don't care that Trump has promised to use the National Guard and U.S. military to retaliate against political foes.

They don't care that Trump has threatened to strip broadcast licenses of networks who criticize him. They don't care that he has threatened on Truth Social to prosecute and imprison “lawyers, political operatives, donors, illegal voters, and corrupt election officials” who he deems to be unfair to him.

But what choice do good Utah voters have, really, because they just can't vote for a Democrat—that's a bridge too far.

Things are getting crazy Wilson. Folks don't know if they're coming or going. And you thought the Tet Offensive was bad. Is the Good Ship United States about to sail off the edge of the world, or does the election just feel that way?

As you know Wilson, some people have had bad acid trips better than this—and they were shorter, too. Anyway, maybe you and the guys in the band can take us out with something apropos:

I woke up this mornin' with the sundown shinin' in
I found my mind in a brown paper bag within
I tripped on a cloud and fell-a eight miles high
I tore my mind on a jagged sky
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in

Someone painted "April Fool" in big black letters on a "Dead End" sign
I had my foot on the gas as I left the road and blew out my mind
Eight miles outta Memphis and I got no spare
Eight miles straight up downtown somewhere
I just dropped in to see what condition my condition was in
“Just Dropped In”—Kenny Rogers