Critics cry ‘How dare they!’ over Paris’ Last Drag Queen Supper 

Are you outraged? Well you should be. Did you see the Opening Ceremony of the Paris Olympics? OMG! There was a big thing in the lavish production and it looked like it could have been a reference to Leonardo da Vinci’s famous painting “The Last Supper,” of Jesus Christ and his 12 disciples.

According to The New York Times, “[A] woman wearing a silver, halo-like headdress stood at the center of a long table, with drag queens posing on either side of her.” Outrageous! A mockery of Christianity!

Critics weighed in: Don Jr., Spencer Cox, House Speaker Mike Johnson, Elon Musk and that place-kicker guy from the Kansas City Chiefs all turned purple. Drag Queens! Last Supper! Blasphemy!

This is almost as bad as the coronation of Kamala Harris, windmills killing whales and the Joe Biden Crime Family. Even in this age of lefty wokeness, this is ... well, outrageous.

OK, wait. It's not “The Last Supper”? What? It's actually a reference to the Greek God Dionysus?

“The interpretation of the Greek God Dionysus makes us aware of the absurdity of violence between human beings,” said Paris Olympic artistic director Thomas Jolly. "We wanted to include everyone, as simple as that … In France, we have the right to love whom we want.”

Huh? How un-MAGA can you get.

New Four-letter Word and Dog Whistle: DEI
Diversity, equity and inclusion—you gotta hand it to Republicans, when it comes to vocal weaponry they are without equal. Who would have guessed that terms such as diversity, equity and inclusion could be transformed into an ugly brand—DEI. Think l-i-b-e-r-a-l, as in “bleeding-heart liberal.”

DEI was the term adopted broadly at universities, corporations and other organizations to signal openness to groups once excluded in a white, male majority society. The movement was thought to be enlightened and “progressive.” Of course, “progressive” has gone the way of “liberal.”

DEI actually is reverse discrimination and unfair to white people who have worked hard only to see less qualified people, like Kamala Harris, rise to the top. Kamala Harris is a DEI hire, GOP faithful repeat over and over again. That is to say, she was elected district attorney in San Francisco, elected attorney general for the state of California and elected vice president of the United States only because she is a brown woman.

Hey voters, in case you haven't noticed Kamala Harris isn't white. Oh yeah, and she's a “childless cat lady,” too. It's about time white men get an even break. What's this country coming to? You want cat ladies running things?

Back on the World Cool Map!
Hey Wilson, congrats, we're back on the map of real places. That's right, Salt Lake City has been selected to host the 2034 Winter Olympic Games, which means that we're cool—again.

Were even more cool than in 2002, the first time we hosted the Winter Games, when we demonstrated to the world that we are—in some ways—almost normal. Heady times they were. Booze flowed freely as state liquor laws were ignored for 17 days.

Remember, Wilson, when you bought drinks for all those girls from the Czech Republic at the Swiss House and things got ... well, never mind. People from all over the world flocked here and it was downright intoxicating (no pun intended). The sporting events were OK, too.

And look at the stuff we got: the Olympic Park in Park City, the Olympic Skating Oval in Kearns and the Hoberman Arch, recently reassembled at the airport after years in a junk heap just in time for our new bid. (What a coincidence.)

We deserve the Olympics because, even though it's 10 years away, we're practically ready. We've got all the venues and all that's left is to crank up that good ol' Utah welcoming spirit, where we put our moral standards on hold for a couple of weeks to please our guests, look good on TV and pretend to be cosmopolitan—yeah, that's it, cosmopolitan. Cool.

Postscript—That's a wrap for another magical July week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of “Kamala's Coup” so you don't have to. It's obvious to most of the GOP faithful that this whole Kamala thing is a set-up, a conspiracy to switch candidates at the last minute in order to leave The Donald and J.D. Vance in the lurch. See, it's like this: Trump et. al. designed the campaign around battling the aging and crooked Joe Biden. But then Old Joe dropped out and Kamala waltzed in like it was a square-dance, or something. But the sleuths over at MAGA weren't fooled. It was a conspiracy, pure and simple.

Sure, there was this big show after Biden's busted debate, where Democrats came forward one at a time to urge him to hang it up. But that was all choreography. Those sneaky Dems had it planned all along. It was a coup and as Republicans will tell you, there is nothing worse than a coup—in most cases.

Since we're talking politics, Wilson, did you hear that J.D. Vance had sex with a couch? We don't know all the details, but the rumor is everywhere and he hasn't denied it. It's another example of what has happened to our social/political discourse. But then again, he who lives by the childless-cat-lady dies by sex-with-a-couch, or something like that. Et tu, J.D.

Well heck Wilson, the staff here at Smart Bomb remembers what it's like to be cool. It's time to take a break from all the noise, kick back and start practicing up to be cool again—for the Olympics, of course. So wake up the band and take us on out with one of your anthems of coolness:

Well you gassed her up
Behind the wheel
With your arm around your sweet one
In your Oldsmobile
Barrelin' down the boulevard
You're looking for the heart of Saturday night