Staffbox | The War on Christmas | News | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

Staffbox | The War on Christmas 

Pin It
Favorite

Who is winning the “War on Christmas”?

n

Bill Frost: I’ve already moved on to the “War on New Year’s.”

n

Brandon Burt: Jesus. And low, low prices!

n

Scott Renshaw: The current status is irrelevant; we all know that in the long run, Jesus wins.

n

Ben Rosch: Apparently, In Utah This Week. It took the T right out of Christmas!

n

Nick Clark: The vampires.

n

Kathy Mueller: Obviously, the Wal-Mart shoppers. They don’t give a fuck who has to die for the deal of the day!

n

Jackie Briggs: I don’t know; I just know that one time my mom was packing Christmas decorations and for space’s sake, she vindictively labeled it “Xmas décor.” I had no idea she hated Christ so much.

n

Chelsea Booker: As much as I actually do choose to keep Christ in Christmas, I have quite a difficult time fully supporting something that the oh-so-brilliant Chris Buttars is fighting so ridiculously for. Why not let this “Christian nation” speak for itself rather than forcing your own views and beliefs on anyone, Mr. Buttars? Come on now, WWJD? Hmm?

n

Lara Grant: I dunno, but if we could somehow harness the power of all those drooling, frenzied, cutthroat Wal-Mart shoppers who kill each other for Xboxes, we could win any war! Can you just imagine the 1st Battalion Bargain-Shoppers Brigade?

n

Derek Carlisle: Unless Baby Jesus comes down with some anger issues and starts tramplin’ some Wal-Mart employees over a Slap-Me-Silly Elmo, I think Santa has it in the bag.

n

Jeremiah Smith: Is there really a “War on Christmas”? I thought it was just a lot of whining and gnashing of teeth. However, if I have to pick, I can surely tell you who is losing: Me

n

Ted Scheffler: I am winning the War on Christmas. Thus far, I’ve managed to spend $0 on gifts this holiday season.

n

James Burnitt: The evil trolls under my bed started it all when I was just a wee lad. They would steal everything and leave nothing but stones. Gradually, I realized they were right, and that I could use the stones to build walls against blind consumerism, or throw them at religious zealots. We will win.

Pin It
Favorite

Latest in News

  • Leasing Utah Away

    BLM proposed leases in southeastern Utah tick off environmentalists, Native American tribes.
    • Mar 20, 2019
  • Double Take

    State senator-turned SLC mayoral candidate Jim Dabakis raises eyebrows with KUTV alignment.
    • Mar 13, 2019
  • Legislative Hangover

    Stronger beer could soon be available on taps and in grocery stores across the state, but not everyone is happy.
    • Mar 6, 2019
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Taking the Plunge

    Once flourishing, derelict bath house faces uncertain future.
    • Sep 13, 2017
  • Love Letters

    Correspondence between a young woman at the Topaz internment camp and her beloved sheds light on Trump's America.
    • Sep 6, 2017

© 2019 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation