Weird Science 

click to enlarge

"She blinded me with science. And hit me with technology."—Thomas Dolby

If Thomas Dolby were to update the lyrics of his 1982 hit song, he might write: "With a blind eye turned to science, we still thought technology would save our ass."

Such a revision might make you laugh, but it ought to make you think. Just consider the problems bedeviling us. Many people assume no threat is insoluble because a techno wizard will deliver a fix.

Maybe a pipeline, seawall or quantum computer will do the trick? Or a machine that will suck carbon dioxide out of the troposphere? It's just a matter of time.

Interrogating that assumption recalls the record-setting string of sweltering days Utahns endured in August and September. With no tech remedy at hand, temperatures were up, and rainfall was down.

Also down was the water level in the Formerly Great Salt Lake, as opposed to the price of gasoline, which spiked. COVID-19 continued to take a daily toll on the unvaccinated, and the inflation rate closed in on double-digits.

Long before these calamities, I made it a practice to keep company with people who favored a "laugh, then think" approach to life's vicissitudes (as exemplified by such wags as Jon Stewart). A wry wit had value during those decades. So did facts.

Now, the post-truth age has me "laughing ruefully, then worrying." A few holdovers from the good old days remain, however. Among them are late-night comedy shows and the annual Ig Nobel Awards.

"The Ig Nobel awards are arguably the highlight of the scientific calendar. The prizes, which are the wayward son of the more righteous Nobels, are supposed to reward research that makes people laugh, then think," wrote Helen Pilcher in Nature.

Now 32 years old, the Ig Nobels are sourced on the Harvard University campus. The award ceremony, which is beamed around the world, evokes the irreverent theatrics of such other Harvard satirists as the Lampoon and Hasty Pudding Club. Part of what redeems the Ig Nobels from low comedy is the participation of genuine Nobel laureates.

I have followed the Ig Nobels for a long time. They are always rewarding, but last year brought a surprise: Three University of Utah researchers received the Ig Nobel Peace Prize! Ethan Beseris, David Carrier and Steven Naleway shared the surprising honor "for testing the hypothesis that humans evolved beards to protect themselves from punches to the face," just as manes protect the throats of male lions.

I recently asked Dr. Carrier what being an Ig Nobel laureate had meant. "It made me appreciate the significance of the Ig Nobel," he said. "On the one hand, it is tongue-in-cheek; on the other, it recognizes good, curiosity-driven science."

This year's Ig Nobel Peace Prize recognized scientists for "developing an algorithm to help gossipers decide when to tell the truth and when to lie," organizers said. In this instance, I think truth-telling has been so devalued that unlike deliberative gossipers, Trumpsters lie reflexively. They traffic in misinformation and—as too many Utah politicians illustrate—do so with impunity.

Mathematics is often at the heart of the awards bestowed on engineers and scientists. I have no math ability, so my attention gravitates to the literary prizes. This year, Annie Ernaux—an 82-year-old, French memoirist—received the Nobel Prize in Literature from the Swedish Academy for "the clinical acuity with which she uncovers the roots, estrangements and collective restraints of personal memory."

Meanwhile, the Ig Nobel in Literature recognized analytical research to discover "what makes legal documents unnecessarily difficult to understand."

Eight other Ig Nobels were awarded at the Sept. 15 ceremony. An Applied Cardiology Prize was earned by five European researchers for "finding evidence that when new romantic partners meet for the first time, and feel attracted to each other, their heart rates synchronize."

It doesn't surprise me. Neither would I be surprised to learn that similar synchrony connected the mob that gathered in Washington, D.C., on Jan. 6, 2021.

Three Americans—Ben Bernanke, Douglas Diamond and Philip Dybvig—shared the Economics Nobel Prize for their research on the role of banks in financial crises such as the one triggered by the bursting housing bubble in 2007.

But I must admit to having more interest in the Ig Nobel Economics Prize, awarded to three Italian economists whose study, Talent vs. Luck: The Role of Randomness in Success and Failure, explained why "success most often goes not to the most talented people, but instead to the luckiest." That's worth thinking about, isn't it?

The 2022 Biology Ig Nobel went to scientists from Brazil and Colombia "for studying how constipation affects the mating prospects of scorpions." The Ig Nobel in Physics honored hydrodynamic research "trying to understand how ducklings manage to swim in formation."

Magnus Gens, a Swede, won the Ig Nobel's Safety Engineering Prize for developing a crash-test-dummy moose to show how cars crumple when colliding with big wildlife; and five Japanese researchers took home the Engineering Ig Nobel for trying to discover the most efficient way to use your fingers when turning a knob.

Polish scientists shared a Medicine Ig Nobel for "showing that when patients undergo some forms of toxic chemotherapy, they suffer fewer harmful side effects when ice cream replaces one traditional component of the procedure."

Finally, The Art History Ig Nobel Prize honored a study titled "A Multidisciplinary Approach to Ritual Enema Scenes on Ancient Maya Pottery." On the one hand, the notion of enema rituals brings a smile. On the other, neither ritual nor technology saved the Mayan civilization from an ignoble end, undone by war, politics and drought. Ought we to be thinking about that?

Private Eye is off this week. Send feedback to comments@cityweekly.net.