Miss: Reading Minds
Hello students. Hello especially to you students who only read on your phones and wouldn't know what a book is anyway. Your parents will be delighted to know that there are now 18 books you must not and cannot read—in school at least. Smarter heads than yours have determined that books will turn you gay or trans or maybe even promiscuous. And frankly, it's mostly books written by women—women who should be staying home and baking bread and changing diapers. They should not be writing prurient books that will only inflame your hearts, stoke your curiosity and broaden your perspectives on life. Please, please do not pick up one of these books from Utah's banned book list. Water for Elephants is the latest bad choice. You can watch the movie on YouTube, or almost any streaming service. So get rid of all that and tell your parents you want to read the Bible, especially Genesis 19:30-38 about Lot and his daughters.
Miss: Rough Landing
Speaking of education, the word "public" is, apparently, misunderstood by our elected officials. It can simply mean "open" or "accessible to the public." Rep. Celeste Maloy thinks Utah's public lands are just sitting there wasting away while developer constituents are salivating over the vision of affordable housing or almost anything that could bring in money to private hands. The House Natural Resources Committee passed an amendment to sell off "only" a third of the public lands in Utah, as well as some in neighboring Nevada. No one will notice, right? The Las Vegas Review Journal calls it a blatant water grab from Utah "reviving concerns in the Colorado River Basin about a pipeline from the country's second-biggest reservoir." Obviously, the Southern Utah Wilderness Association isn't on board. And let's be clear, a one-time sale is only a one-time gain.
Hit: Ad Astra
Who doesn't like a good mural, especially one that's really big and bold? Remember the 2002 Olympics, when large murals were hung on buildings downtown? The Astra Tower has one of those—at 13,000 square feet, it's visible from 200 South and incorporates designs from dozens of artists. Impressively, the tower will also be a signal for bad air, of which Salt Lake has plenty. The 41-story luxury apartment building stands more than 450 feet, making it the tallest in Utah. Let's not talk about affordability—rent could be $10,000 a month, according to Building Salt Lake. But on the bright side, the Astra's exterior crown lighting will change color to reflect pollution levels—similar to the old Walker Building's weather forecast. So if you can't actually see the pollution in the valley, you'll know what's coming—unless the smog obscures the tower itself.