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V-Day, No Way 

8 Valentines you don't want to receive

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Eight Valentine’s Day cards you don’t want to receive:

8. “In the words of Taylor Swift …”

7. “If I said you had a beautiful body, would you put it in the trunk of my car without a struggle?”

6. “B mine or I’ll C U in L, K?”

5. “Our love has grown, but I have no rhymes besides ‘bone zone’ and ‘maybe you won’t die alone.’”

4. “Did it hurt? When you fell from the pole during ‘Pour Some Sugar on Me’?”

3. “Your kisses are intoxicating—but we’re still going to have to hit the liquor store.”

2. “I said you could live in my heart rent-free … not my apartment, Amber!”

1. “Roses are red, violets are blue, our sex tape you didn’t know about is rated 94 percent on PornTube!”

Twitter: @Bill_Frost

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