Underwater Basketweaving | News | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

Underwater Basketweaving 

Suffering from gray-matter fatigue? Try these classes for a lighter load.

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INTRODUCTION TO MUSIC
nUniversity of Utah

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Two ears are the only prerequisite needed to ace this class, taught by professor E. Cheney. Class time consists of listening to music, learning what a note looks like and identifying obscure composers such as Bach and Beethoven. Sarcasm aside, course material is common knowledge for any semiconscious person, and an exam study guide in the same order as the exam questions is given before a test. Besides three, one-page, personal opinion concert reviews, homework is nonexistent. According to PickaProf.com, an online professor rating site, 88 percent of all students who took this class earned an A. The other 12 percent must be hearing impaired.

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INTERCOLLEGIATE ATHLETICS
nUniversity of Utah

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This is the athletic department’s noble attempt to teach study skills and time management techniques to student athletes, many of whom came to college to play their sport. Senior athletes in this class deliver words of wisdom to wide-eyed freshman about available study resources and the value of going to class over partying with your dormmates. And I can say this because I’m one of the 30 percent of college athletes to graduate.

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INTRODUCTION TO VISUAL ARTS
nUniversity of Utah

nn

Lance Duffin teaches an informative, interesting and entertaining course while still making it possible for you to spend evenings applying a newfound awareness of art to your outings rather than nose deep in a text book. “Lance is the shit,” said former student Logan Hall, “and he knows all about Salt Lake City’s art scene.” Appreciation of visual art is introduced through observing the art of the everyday: architecture, advertising, public sculpture and photography.

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INTRODUCTION TO FILM
nSalt Lake Community College

nn

Course curriculum includes watching and discussing movies. Lots of movies. So, why not earn a few course credits doing exactly what you would be doing if you were not in class. You may even learn a few things to help you gain more appreciation for your late night Blockbuster selections. But don’t call them “movies.” Call them “films.” It’s much more impressive.

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BASIC DESIGN
nUniversity of Utah

nn

This class covers the fundamentals of two-dimensional and three-dimensional design. All projects are done in class under the supervision of a laid-back, artsy instructor and include painting colors wheels, examining cutout snowflake patterns and creating your own CD covers. No other university-level class will remind you more of your high-school-art-project days.

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BODY MECHANICS
Westminster College

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The incognito instructor has two requirements. One: Log your own hours, reps and progress. Two: Make sure to attend the one and only semester lecture. For those with self-discipline, it’s a great way to utilize those athletic student fees you pay each semester. For the less motivated, it’s a great GPA boost. If you fail this course, you are the victim of only one major muscle failure: your brain.

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BASKETBALL
Salt Lake Community College

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Consider it the college version of recess. No athletic prowess is required, and 80 percent of your grade is based solely on attendance. The remaining 20 percent comes from one written, multiple choice exam; the kind where two out of three options are obviously incorrect to anyone who has held a basketball. The instructor is merely on hand to break up those inevitable fights among college-size bullies who take the games seriously. Also, it’s the perfect class for the lady on the prowl, with a guy-to-girl ratio of about 20 to 1.

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