U.N. Pilfers Water Rights—or Sanity—of Utahns | Opinion | Salt Lake City Weekly

U.N. Pilfers Water Rights—or Sanity—of Utahns 

Smart Bomb: The completely unnecessary news analysis

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In the now-infamous words of former Entrata CEO Dave Bateman, when you read this you are going to think we're crazy. Utah GOP state Reps. Phil Lyman and Mike Petersen host their very own podcast to give Utahns "a bird's eye view" of reality. Recently, they invited "Salty Annie" to give the low-down on clandestine United Nations activities here. (We couldn't possibly make this up.)

Salty Annie has proof that agents of the United Nations are mining Utah's digital driver license program, scheduled to become operational this year. It would give the U.N. a "foothold" in Utah, she said. But that isn't all—she claims the U.N.'s Sustainable Development Goals are designed to make us slaves under the guise of ending poverty.

Co-host Phil Lyman noted that it all should be taken very seriously. It could be that the digital driver license program is the first step in multinational corporations, along with the U.N. buying up water rights and private property in Utah. "This is a world takeover. It's a huge transfer of power," Lyman said. "People think it's a conspiracy theory when you tie it to a digital driver's license, but it's the same people that are doing it." And really, how could it not be a conspiracy ... well a conspiracy of dunces, anyway.

"Trump" of France Found Guilty of "Inciting Hatred"
Can you legally yell "fire" in a crowded theater? In the United States you could most likely get away with it. Can you use a microphone at a rally and call for the reversal of a fair democratic election? In this country, you just might get away with it. In France, it's a different story.

Eric Zemmour, a right-wing politician who models himself after Donald Trump, was convicted this week in a French court of inciting racial hatred by proclaiming on TV that unaccompanied migrant children are "thieves," "rapists" and "assassins." Sound familiar?

The criminal court fined him 10,000 euros ($11,400). France outlaws defamation and acts of provoking hatred or violence based on race or religion. Of course, an $11,000 fine wouldn't stop Donald Trump from saying whatever he wants. And how could you get him to pay up, anyway?

Nonetheless, it does send a message to those who believe the First Amendment gives us the right to say things like, "Mexican immigrants are rapists." The French probably wouldn't understand our Second Amendment, either. In France, only sport shooters and hunters can own firearms—a license is required. Only shotguns and rifles are allowed—no handguns. Oh the poor French, they just don't understand real freedom.

Top Five Reasons Mike Lee Must Go
Sharlee Mullens Glenn recently penned a Tribune op-ed outlining five reasons why Utah voters should give ultra-conservative Sen. Mike Lee the boot and elect Republican Becky Edwards instead. Mullens Glen said that Lee promised to serve only two terms (this would be his third); he doesn't listen to his constituents; he's a political opportunist; he is an obstructionist; and not least, Lee leverages his LDS religion for political gain.

The staff here at Smart Bomb, always looking to lend a helping hand, came up with our Top Five Reasons Mike Lee Must Go:
1. He plays footsie with Ted Cruz under his Senate desk.
2. He's a Covid spreader.
3. Lee compared Trump to Mormon scripture hero Capt. Moroni.
4. He said the United States is not a democracy.
5. And finally, Mike Lee is just a dick.

Postscript—Another historic, if less-than-blissful week, is in the books here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of deaths due to air pollution so you don't have to. Alright Wilson, what do Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. and the Utah Legislature have in common? You're right, not a damn thing.

After all, our lawmakers—at least the Republicans—are already on record as saying racial discrimination ended with the Civil War. In the past, the Legislature opened its annual session on MLK Day. Although the federal holiday was created in 1983, Utah lawmakers didn't recognize the holiday as Martin Luther King Day until 2000—the second to last state to do so.

The Legislature continued to convene on MLK Day until it finally got too embarrassing. But progress is progress and racism is completely gone, which is why Republicans say we don't need The Voting Rights Act, now lost somewhere in the D.C. Swamp.

Meanwhile, in state houses across the land, the GOP is working overtime to make voting more difficult for low-income and minority voters. And so it goes in American politics, where we put our deceit and mendacity on display as if it were a dignified sport.

Well Wilson, what have you and the guys in the band got to wake us up to the U.N. coming for our water and driver license info and all what Salty Annie and Phil Lyman are trying to warn us about. Got somethin'? Alright Wilson, go for it:

Johnny's in the basement/Mixing up the medicine
I'm on the pavement/Thinking about the government
The man in a trench coat/Badge out, laid off
Says he's got a bad cough/Wants to get it paid off

Look out, kid/It's somethin' you did
God knows when/But you're doin' it again
You better duck down the alley way/Lookin' for a new friend
A man in a coon-skin cap/In a pig pen
Wants eleven dollar bills/You only got ten.

Maggie comes fleet foot/Face full of black soot
Talkin' that the heat put/Plants in the bed but
The phone's tapped anyway/Maggie says that many say
They must bust in early May/Orders from the DA

Look out, kid/Don't matter what you did
Walk on your tip toes/Don't tie no bows
Better stay away from those/That carry around a fire hose
Keep a clean nose/Watch the plainclothes
You don't need a weather man/To know which way the wind blows.
"Subterranean Homesick Blues"—Bob Dylan

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