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TV—What You Watch Is Who You Is 

Smart Bomb: The completely unnecessary news analysis

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Tribune scoopster Scott Pierce penned a column on Utah Gov. Spencer Cox's TV habits. One of his faves is Phineas and Ferb, an animated musical about a duo who embark on wild adventures, kinda like when Cox and former Gov. Gary Herbert bought a trainload of hydroxychloroquine to treat COVID-19. Here at Smart Bomb, the staff has been sleuthing and found that politician/developer Greg Hughes likes Peaky Blinders, a violent show where British gangsters get control of land near TRAX stations and make a killing. A little bird says Salt Lake City Mayor Erin Mendenhall loves Ted Danson's new sitcom, Mr. Mayor, where Danson keeps saying City Hall is transparent but won't talk to reporters. State Sen. David Hinkins, from the tiny town of Orangeville likes to watch Judas and the Black Messiah on HBO Max and introduced legislation to ban riots because he's sick and tired of all those Black Lives Matter demonstrations in remote Emory County, population: 10,000. And state Rep. Kera Birkeland, from Morgan, who sponsored a bill to keep trans high school girls from competing in soccer, can't miss the series Dare Me, on Netflix where teens get into booze and sex and will do anything on a dare, including gender changes to win at girls soccer. Kids these days.

Liberals Stole the Bill of Rights
Can you believe those lousy f—ing liberals and AOC? They stole the Bill of Rights, and no one can find it anywhere. Utah Sen. Mike Lee has looked up and down and all around but ... nothing. It's just lucky that we have honorable men like Sen. Lee to keep track of these things. We could have been thinking the Bill of Rights was safe and sound. But noooo, he told the Conservative Political Action Conference —the MAGA version of Burning Man—that thieving Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, D-NY, and the libs stole it on account of "they think the Bill of Rights is blasphemy." It's just like those godless Democrats to go around using the Bill of Rights' name in vain—they hate freedom, Lee said. He warned the patriots of what he calls "liberal utopia," where AOC and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-California, wave their witches' wands, and government makes health care and education affordable, leaving Americans without any freedom at all. "Faith in government is tyranny," he said boldly, which is why the feds should not be in charge of COVID-19 vaccines or coming to the aid of flood and hurricane victims. Walmart or Amazon should do that, Lee said. He's the world's foremost expert on the Constitution and separation of powers. Never put too much power in the hands of a few, Lee said, before scurrying off to Mar-a-Lago to kiss the ring of the President for Life.

What's the Matter With Florida?
Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis ordered the American flag lowered all over the Sunshine State in honor of that great patriot Rush Limbaugh. The right-wing windbag (say that 10 times real fast) had gone to meet his maker—whoever that is—and because he's one of the most heroic of Americans, the flag was put at half-staff. And in Orlando last week, a gold statue of Donald Trump was unveiled so that Trumpers could pray to it—think capitalist-version of Buddhism. The statue had a big gold head, shorts like Old Glory and gold feet with red flip-flops. It's up for sale for $100,000 (true story). The occasion was the aforementioned CPAC, where Trumpers meet to see who can praise Him most. Florida always has been a different sort of place. The state's screwy politics include the debacle in 2000, when the U.S. Supreme Court stopped a presidential recount there and gave George W. Bush the presidency. Florida's Republican Sen. Rick Scott, who previously was the state's governor, brought back a bunch of Jim Crow-era voting tactics, including false claims that 180,000 aliens were on voter rolls. He didn't specify whether they were Latin Americans or Martians—Roger Stone does live there, after all. Somerset Maugham had it down: "Florida is a sunny place for shady people."

Postscript—Well, that just about does it for another week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of the Utah Legislature so you don't have to. When the clock strikes midnight on March 5, we will be able to breathe a sigh of relief—ignorance is bliss. And speaking of ignorance, that patriot and con artist, Rep. Burgess Owens, R-Utah, took part in a CPAC panel where he said this: "Over the next couple of years, let's have these good conversations with our friends. Let's lower the temperatures. Let's listen a little bit more. And at the end of the day....[Democrats] are going to do it to themselves... In the end, the good guys will win." Burgess was one of the good guys who refused to certify the election of Joe Biden because who the f—k wants democracy? And we thought we'd never miss Mia Love. Wonder what Burgess and Mia think of Dixie State University in St. George? Students there want a name change because, as everyone knows, "Dixie" carries a lot of baggage—slavery and lynchings, for starters. In 1915, the school was dubbed Dixie College. Mormon settlers had grown cotton there, and in the post-Reconstruction era, Dixie was glorified as part of the "Lost Cause" lore of moonlight and magnolias—another Big Lie, the worst kind.

Hey Wilson, we didn't even mention Amend, the six-part mini-series on the 14th Amendment streaming on Netflix about Black people's fight for freedom. It's a must-see for all Americans, including people like the Proud Boys, Three Percenters and others who apparently are completely ignorant about this country's foundation. So, like, Wilson, what can you and guys in the band conjure up for us that will hit home?

Southern trees bear a strange fruit
Blood on the leaves and blood at the root
Black bodies swinging in the Southern breeze
Strange fruit hanging from the poplar trees

Pastoral scene of the gallant South
The bulging eyes and the twisted mouth
Scent of magnolias sweet and fresh
Then the sudden smell of burning flesh

Here is a fruit for the crows to pluck
For the rain to gather, for the wind to suck
For the sun to rot, for the tree to drop
Here is a strange and bitter crop

"Strange Fruit"—Billie Holiday)

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