True TV | Download This: Ta-da! TV’s top torrents. 

Grey’s Anatomy
nThursdays (ABC): It’s the highest-charting series in the “real” TV ratings, but Grey’s Anatomy only hovers around No. 5 in BitTorrent downloads—why anyone is wasting electricity, let alone bandwidth, on hospital soft porn is still beyond me. Especially when there’s so much real (and free!) hospital porn available on the Wide World of Web.

Smallville
nThursdays (The CW): Smallville—the tale of Superman’s first eight years in high school, or something—has never cracked the Top 100 in TV ratings, but it’s just behind Grey’s Anatomy in downloads. Which either says that discerning TV downloaders/viewers (I’m coining the term “downviewers” right now) will seek out a quality shows about heroism and young angst, or they can’t be bothered to find The CW in their channel lineup.

Supernatural
nThursdays (The CW): Before Reaper came along last season, Supernatural was The CW’s most underappreciated show: Tight scripting that encompasses weekly episodic closure and serialized story arcs, dark scares, smart humor, a kick-ass Chevy Impala and, of course, two dreamy-hunky leads with great hair. Now in Season 4, it’s finally climbing in TV and Torrent ratings … WTF?

Desperate Housewives
nSundays (ABC): The Only TV Column That Matters® was barely aware that this old nag was even still on the air, much less in the Nielsen Top 10. Apparently, Desperate Housewives jumped five years into the future this season, which might explain the show’s resurgence in popularity; now even I’m curious to see how much more the Housewives resemble drag queens than before.

Entourage
nSundays (HBO): This one makes sense: It’s on a premium subscription channel, and BitTorrents are the new answer to stealing cable—not the “new TiVo,” which is useless if you don’t get the good channels like the magnanimous file-sharers who’re uploading these shows from their DVRs. Also, Entourage is back in its early-years underdog groove after the last couple of seasons’ Hollywood-excessive Aquaman/Medellin tangents; Vince and Ari are best when they’re scrapping, not coasting.

Dexter
nSundays (Showtime): After a shaky Season 3 start (all domestication and no killing makes Dex a dull boy), Dexter seems to be getting back on track despite the seemingly unworkable plot twists of a lone-wolf serial killer becoming a father and best buds with Miami’s district attorney (played with increasing depth and weirdness by Jimmy Smits, the original Barack Obama from The West Wing). The dual smothering effect of the DA (who wants to be a tag-along bad-guy snuffer) and Rita (who wants Dexter to give up his bachelor pad) is making Dex sweat, and you know at least one of ’em is going to end up dead. Can’t wait!

Californication
nSundays (Showtime): Season 2 has been plenty strange and decadent, what with Hank defiling a celebrity TV chef and a Rolling Stone reporter, and his schlub agent Charlie becoming a porn-flick stand-in (!) in the last couple of episodes alone, but the meat (ahem) of Californication still seems to be missing. Hank’s re-estrangement from Karen has been pushed to background, and his new gig as a rock & roll biographer is nowhere near as interesting as it should be (abundance of naked groupies and drugs aside). Still, Californication is the funniest and most addictive series for adults on TV—and yes, I still want to be Hank.

Heroes
nMondays (NBC): There’s a joke about the superpower to jump several hundred sharks here somewhere …

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