This could be the best thing since 100% cotton. Famed NFL quarterback Tom Brady has come out with his own line of underwear. We shit you not.
They come in boxers and briefs and boast an assortment of sexy colors with the exception of New England Patriot blue and red. Pulling these babies on is a fantasy in and of itself. "Wear them once and you'll make the switch forever," according to those in the know.
Of course, the Bucs signal caller is not the first in his family to sell undies. Supermodel wife Gisele Bündchen was for years one of Victoria Secret's top models—aka "Angels"—but retired from the runway several years ago, explaining that she was tired of having her butt hanging out. With Brady's new boxers, you'll never have to worry about that.
The couple's combined wealth is reportedly about $600 million—the lions share, some $400 million, belongs to Bündchen, which means Brady has to sell a lot of boxers and briefs to catch up. He has been called the greatest quarterback of all time but he can't strut like his wife. That says something about this country, but we're not exactly sure what. Is football really America's game, or might it be something else?
Well, never mind. For Tampa Bay fans, this could be a chance to get close—we mean real close—to greatness, that is, if underwear makes the man.
'Woke' is a Four-Letter Word
Although it first popped up as a term in Black vernacular, conservatives quickly turned it back on progressives as a smear for cultural and political correctness. Now, "woke" is practically an obscenity.
If you're woke, you could be guilty of all kinds of things, like supporting multiculturalism. Getting labeled woke is scary, even if you're just minding your own business. It's like the old Salem witch trials—how do you prove you're not woke?
Well fortunately, the staff here at Smart Bomb is here help. The following should help you out:
You know you're not woke if, when you bend over, your butt crack shows.
You know you're not woke if you have an AR-15 in your pickup.
You know you're not woke if you wear basketball shorts and flip-flops to the airport.
You know you're not woke if you eat breakfast at McDonald's.
You know you're not woke if you think racism is a thing to embarrass white kids.
You know you're not woke if you have QAnon T-shirts and a MAGA cap.
You know you're not woke if you slugged the bitchy flight attendant in the mouth.
And finally, you know you're not woke if you think hate is a sign of patriotism.
The Two Faces of Mike Lee
A wily politician can talk a lot and say nothing. Utah Sen. Mike Lee is not the only one guilty of that. But he goes one better by explaining he was for Trump's coup and against it all at the same time.
Case in point: "The president of the United States is chosen by the Electoral College. The opening and the counting of the Electoral College votes resulted in a clear victory for Joe Biden," Lee said in a recent debate. "But that doesn't mean that things didn't happen along the way."
See Martha, you can have your cake and eat it, too. It's all quite innocent, really, as Lee tells it. You see, he heard rumors that some states were thinking about withdrawing their electoral votes on account of some funny business. Ever curious, Lee decided to investigate.
Right. He texted then-chief of staff Mark Meadows that, "If a very small handful of states were to have their legislatures appoint alternative slates of delegates, there could be a path." Lee was just being a good American as reflected in followup texts to Meadows: "Everything changes, of course, if the swing states submit competing slates of electors pursuant to state law."
Lee is infamous for stating that this country is a republic, not a democracy. And that, of course, has nothing to do with voter suppression. Is it starting to come into focus, yet?
Postscript—That'll do it for another week of summer fun here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of Rudy Giuliani so you don't have to. According to testimony at the Jan. 6 committee hearings, a drunk Giuliani told Donald Trump to declare victory on election night, even though it was far too early to declare an outcome. Trump took Rudy's advice despite protests from his campaign staff.
On a brighter note, Wilson and the band were cruising around town recently when they came upon a yard sign that said, "Make America Kind Again." They pulled over to study the sign, thinking they could be hallucinating. But it was for real.
Imagine that. Coincidentally, in the face of copycat mass shootings, Jay Evensen called for "copycat kindness" in the Deseret News. Acts of human goodness generate copycats, too, he said, citing research. "The results showed that people who viewed the suffering of others being alleviated felt a release of stress and a desire to act similarly to other people."
Researchers call it "moral elevation." Well, we could certainly use more of that. So here's what you can do—go out and commit a random act of kindness to someone in your town or neighborhood. It need not be bi,g but it will change them and you and hopefully us, too. We gotta at least try.
Well Wilson, whatever happened to 'flower power.' We know, wrong century. Somehow we went from the Age of Aquarius to the age of Trump and Putin. There's way too much hate going on, no doubt about that. Something's got to give. What have you and the guys got that will get us to sow some seeds of kindness. It's a tall order, we know, but give it a whirl:
If you see your brother standing by the road
With a heavy load from the seeds he sowed
And if you see your sister falling by the way
Just stop and say you're goin' the wrong way
You've got to try a little kindness yes show a little kindness
Yes shine your light for everyone to see
And if you'll try a little kindness and you'll overlook the blindness
Of the narrow minded people on the narrow minded streets
Don't walk around the down and out lend a helping hand instead of doubt
And the kindness that you show every day will help someone along their way
You've got to try a little kindness...
You've got to try a little kindness...
"Try A Little Kindness"—Glen Campbell