The Real Utahn of the Year | News | Salt Lake City Weekly

The Real Utahn of the Year 

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How in the world will Utah’s concealed weapon permit holders get from their cars to the Opening and Closing Ceremonies at the 2002 Winter Games? My God, they’ll have to go all that distance without a firearm and, as state Sen. Mike Waddoups says, “with a target on their chests.”

America enjoys many freedoms, Waddoups continued, because people who carry guns make it that way. That’s right, the reason this country is safe at all is because civilians—not cops or military personnel, say nothing of a society with ethics—carry guns around to protect themselves from murdering thieves. And in so doing, these freedom fighters make it safe for the rest of us who aren’t quite patriotic enough to carry a firearm.

Recent news that there will be no “gun check” at Olympic venues, similar to a coat check at a nightclub or restaurant, was so shocking to gun rights activists that for about five seconds they fell silent. What, another abridgement of the Second Amendment? Concealed weapon permit holders could be murdered right during the Olympics. There goes our free society, right down the drain. Darn.

? Sen. Orrin Hatch is no longer the chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee and now there are “judicial emergencies” all across the country, reports The Salt Lake Tribune. Yep, there are dozens and dozens of vacancies on the federal bench because appointees can’t seem to get Senate confirmation in a timely fashion.

Boy, it makes you wish our senator was back in the chairman’s seat, doesn’t it? Well, not exactly. What the Tribune failed to mention was that Hatch was the champ at holding up judicial nominations during the Clinton years. While Utah’s senior senator was screaming that Clinton was attempting to pack the courts with ideological leftists, it was actually Hatch attempting that same thing from the right.

But don’t hold it against the Tribune for not telling the whole story. They apparently don’t see that as their responsibility.

? The Deseret News, the LDS church-owned newspaper, reports the startling news that Mormons have a sense of humor. In its Dec. 27 editions, the News identified websites where Mormons and gentiles alike can logon for a laugh at LDS expense. Punch up and get jokes like this: Q: What do you get when you cross a kleptomaniac and a Mormon? A: A basement full of stolen food.

If you didn’t get that joke, missionaries can be dispatched to your home.

? And finally, the announcement you’ve all been waiting for: The Real Utahn of the Year. This year it’s been tough choosing just one person who has been an example to us all. But after much consternation, deliberation and exaltation, the staff here at Smartbomb has come up with a tie. The winners are Tom Welch and Dave Johnson for bringing the Olympic Spirit to Utah. Credit may be bestowed upon others, but without Tom and Dave, it just wouldn’t have happened. Mitt Romney, take a dirt road.

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