The Real “Utahn of the Year” | News | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

The Real “Utahn of the Year” 

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Well, here it is the new millennium—again!

But this time ’round, the new millennium is old hat. Been there, done that.

In any event, we stand more or less at the beginning of the third millennium since Jesus Christ walked the earth. Before the savior came, millennia were called something else. It’s confusing, because 1,000 years before Christ not very many people knew he would arrive in 1,000 years, so the years all had different numbers. Then Jesus of Nazareth was born, and all the numbers before his birth had to be switched around and re-counted backward—as in three years Before Christ, etc.—all the way back to 1000 B.C. and even before that.

Confused? Well, luckily they didn’t have computers back then. Can you imagine the Y2K bug-like thing that the savior’s birth would let loose? Man.

Anyway, the more things change, the more they stay the same. In keeping with the Olympic spirit, those nice folks over at the Salt Lake (Olympic) Organizing Committee are suing somebody—again! This time they’re suing Christine Wallace for her website,

See, the whole deal is that SLOC, the USOC and the IOC don’t allow people to use the word “Olympic” or the trademark five interlocking rings because they say that constitutes copyright infringement. If you want to use the word “Olympic” or the rings, you have to pay big bucks to the various Olympic committees. Without the sponsorship bucks, how could they travel all around the world and throw all the festivities and tell us how important the Olympics really are?

The funny part is, doesn’t use the word “Olympics” or the Olympic rings. But SLOC is suing anyway. The more things change … well, you get the picture.

There is a footnote, of course—there always is—to SLOC’s suit against Wallace’s website. According to The Salt Lake Tribune, has links to websites featuring topless women. Reading the news, we here at Smartbomb immediately launched a probe with our crack investigative team. Unfortunately, after about 30 minutes of surfing around all the boring Olympic stats and stories, we were unable to find the topless women.

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Wait a minute, here’s something new. The Salt Lake Tribune has named Mayor Rocky Anderson as “Utahn of the Year.” The Trib says Rocky won because he has shaken things up, what with his calling for wine in grocery stores, promoting dining al fresco along Main Street, urging that shopping carts be tethered to grocery stores, and torching the sprawl mall, among other things.

That’s quite a coincidence, because we were going to name Rocky Utahn of the Year, too. But in a close vote, we decided to make Deeda Seed Utahn of the Year instead. It’s Deeda, after all, who does all the work while Rocky’s off showboating.

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More by Christopher Smart

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