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The Ocho 

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Eight new rules and revamps for I-15’s high-occupancy vehicle express lanes:


8. Express lane instructional pamphlets will now be available in English, Spanish and coloring-book formats.


7. Turn-signal guidelines will be upgraded from “Only if the spirit moves you” to “Go ahead, it won’t bite.”


6. Single-occupant decals will increase in price from $50 to $100 to cover costs of the Utah Highway Patrol’s new babysitting service.


5. Express lanes will be made open to drunk drivers on holiday weekends; proof of at least 0.08 blood-alcohol level required at breathalyzer checkpoints.


4. Vehicles with “Orrin 2006” stickers automatically granted full express-lane access.


3. Double white lines will be re-striped to eight in neon colors with flashing lights and steel spikes; dotted entrances/exits will include gesturing cartoon characters.


2. On alternate Mondays, the express lane will be sponsored and designated as “The Red Bull Xtreme Road Rager.nn

1. “Heavenly Father” will no longer be recognized as a secondary passenger.

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