Eight more nonexistent problems for Sen. Orrin Hatch to solve after he puts a constitutional end to flag burning:
nn8. The rampant spread of the Hatch nickname “Ferret-Lipped Pinhead” coined by a certain weekly newspaper columnist.
nn7. The spiraling decline of “clean, decent” heterosexual marriages due to the continued legal presence of them gays.
nn6. The persecution of polygamists … even though Hatch doesn’t, you know, support that kind of thing.
nn5. The suffocating overtaxation of the wealthy: “We shall overcome.nn
4. Getting back Utah’s anti-terrorist funds'because the next logical terror-strike target is, naturally, Utah.
nn3. The impending jihad by stem-cell clones against their “OrOps” (Original Oppressors).
nn2. Writing a pre-emptive 2096 amendment to extend Medicaid benefits for “senatorial brains floating in jars and their cyborg bodies.nn
1. Illegal downloading of Orrin Hatch music (or, any downloading of Orrin Hatch music).
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