The Ocho | Salt Lake City Weekly

It's Art-ish!

Eight new attractions at the 2017 Utah Arts Festival.

Modest Is Hottest

Eight new Utah "modest fashion" shops opening just in time for summer.

Patchouli Hell

Eight fun facts about Dead & Company, playing Usana Amphitheatre on June 7:

Fry the World

Eight new names for 'fake' global warming—even though summer 2017 temperatures are projected to be even hotter than last year—because science is a liberal conspiracy.
“Extra Crispy”

Uncool for the Summer

Eight signs that it's summer in Utah.
Your redneck neighbors just brought back a truckload of fireworks from the Wyoming 'SplodyMart.

School's Out

Eight college commencement speeches you probably won't hear.
"Someday, You Could Be President. Seriously, It's a Shitshow Free-For-All Now. Go for It. Whatever."

Ratings Blowout

Eight “breaking” local TV “news” stories for May sweeps.
“KUTV Krazy Korner: We read emails from our most unhinged, racist viewers word-for-word, right after this.”

Bar? Restaurant? Jesus?

Eight ways to tell if you're in a Utah bar, not a restaurant.
Overwhelming feelings of guilt, shame and making Jesus cry.

Do Your (Other) Job

Eight temporary private-sector jobs for future Utah guv Jason Chaffetz:
Author of City Weekly's Ocho-replacement column, "J.C.'s Ethics Korner."

Eco Chamber

Eight ways to celebrate Earth Day 2017.
Stage concurrent Celestial, Terrestrial and Telestial Day celebrations.

Easter? Barely Knew Her

Eight fun factoids about Easter.
The tradition of dyeing hard-boiled eggs honors Pass, the Goddess of Cholesterol.

Hardly Art

Eight Utah “state works of art” that deserve as much designation as the Spiral Jetty
Lucky 13’s “Big Benny” burger, if size is a qualifier.

Orrin 4 Life

Eight campaign slogans for Sen. Orrin Hatch’s run for an eighth term
“To Regularity and Beyond!”

Thumb This

Eight review systems considered to replace Netflix’s 5-star ratings besides Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down.
Would Watch Again Sober/I Watched What?

Statewide Kilting Spree

Eight pros and cons of St. Patrick’s Day in Utah.
Con: President Cheeto will probably have it outlawed by then.

Celestial Suburbs

Eight Utah-sourced names for the seven planets of NASA’s recently discovered solar system:
6. Kolob Commons.

Sugarhood 2040

Eight Sugar House gentrification headlines from the year 2040.
“High-Rise Apartments Vacant for 20 Years Now Home to Radioactive Zombie Hives”

Outdoor Derailers

Eight Gov. Gary Herbert-endorsed conventions to replace Utah’s biannual Outdoor Retailer show:
Find out who wore it best in the annual BroDown Winter Cargo Shorts & Flip-Flops Pageant.


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