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Eight commercial scanners being considered by the Utah Legislature should driver license info be voted to replace private club memberships:

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8. Drunky Spotter 5000®

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7. The Lil' Violater (a division of Diebold)

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6. Ronco Privacy Parrot

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5. Microsoft Totalitarian® for Windows

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4. DataSucker 2.0 (a division of WaddoupsCo)

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3. Homeland Security Junior Officer Kit©

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2. RectalSpy® Implant System for PC & Mac

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1. Constitution B-Gone!™

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