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The Ocho | Black Holes & Red Lobsters 

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Eight last-minute items on Utahns’ to-do lists before the Large Hadron Collider plunged the planet into a black hole on Wednesday:

8. Get reservations for last supper at Red Lobster.

7. Break news to kids: “Look, everyone in High School Musical is gay or a junkie ...” 

6. Renegotiate mortgage loan to reflect Zargon 5 sub-prime rates on the other side.

5. Splurge on an item from the top shelf of the State Liquor Store.

4. TiVo 90210, just in case we aren’t sucked in a vacuous hole of nothingness.

3. Send cc’d e-mail to boss, ex-wife and Doug Wright: “See you in hell, motherfucker!”

2. Hit Old Navy’s “End of Days Camis & Tanks Sale” after work.

1. Drop absentee write-in vote for Jesus/McCain/Romney in mail.

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