The Ocho: Alco-Pop | News | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

The Ocho: Alco-Pop 

Pin It
Favorite
art5579widea.jpg











Eight reasons “alco-pop” beverages should be moved from grocery stores to Utah State Liquor Stores:

8. The kids are clamoring for the new “Hannah Montana Fizzy-Dizzy” strawberry malt cooler.

7. It’s easier to get cheerleaders drunk on Jack Daniel’s and Yoo-Hoo.

6. Keeping bottles warm and unrefrigerated in liquor stores will better preserve malt coolers’ original furniture-polish flavor.

5. Confused shoppers might mistake Mike’s Hard Lemonade for Mike’s Hard Drain Cleaner.

4. If it doesn’t come in a liter jug, it doesn’t belong in a Utah grocery store.

3. Those who don’t remember the Zima pandemic of the ’90s are doomed to repeat it.

2. Utah Attorney General Mark Shurtleff’s extensive research of hanging out at Albertsons and asking teens, “Hey, want some lousy-tasting fruit booze?”

1. How else is the state going to make more money off of a plain ol’ 3.2 alcoholic beverage?
cw
Pin It
Favorite

Tags:

More by Bill Frost

  • Available Jones

    Eight great achievements by Utah Gov. Gary Herbert during eight years in office.
    • Nov 29, 2017
  • Get Happy!

    Happy! brings the weirdness to Syfy; Fuller House further erodes 'Merica.
    • Nov 29, 2017
  • Thanks for Nothin'

    Eight things you just don't want to hear from family this Thanksgiving.
    • Nov 22, 2017
  • More »

Latest in News

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Through the Looking Glass

    Local witches discuss an occult practice related to Latter-day Saint history.
    • Oct 30, 2019
  • Recycling Enforcers

    An inside look at who's trying to help Salt Lake City residents stay up-to-date on the recycling world's changes.
    • Nov 27, 2019

© 2020 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation