The Ocho: AK-47 Shoots for Eight | News | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

The Ocho: AK-47 Shoots for Eight 

Pin It

Eight reasons Andrei Kirilenko wants to leave the Utah Jazz before his $63 million contract is up:

8. His burning desire to play for [insert any team/country/planet where Jazz coach Jerry Sloan isn’t] is just too strong.

7. Wife Masha’s clothing store in The Gateway will easily make up the income difference.

6. “It’s not you, it’s me. And by me, I mean my fucking coach.”

5. He can’t wait to play ball in Russia, where he’s considered a handsome chick-magnet.

4. Even more bizarre, he’s also considered a decent shooter there.

3. Kirilenko feels the millions of dollars he’d forfeit would be better utilized buying new Jazz players or “a woodchipper big enough to feed Jerry Sloan into … hypothetically.”

2. AK-47’s endorsement deal with Doug’s Shoot ‘N Sports never quite panned out.

1. “Uh, I have a sick daughter I need to go care for … yeah, that’s it. She’s allergic to Utah. Oh, and Jerry Sloan sucks!”
Pin It


More by Bill Frost

  • Get Happy!

    Happy! brings the weirdness to Syfy; Fuller House further erodes 'Merica.
    • Nov 29, 2017
  • Available Jones

    Eight great achievements by Utah Gov. Gary Herbert during eight years in office.
    • Nov 29, 2017
  • Thanks for Nothin'

    Eight things you just don't want to hear from family this Thanksgiving.
    • Nov 22, 2017
  • More »

Latest in News

  • Rivers and Roads

    Labor Day weekend brings the close of Open Streets on Main and start of the Get To The River festival
    • Sep 1, 2022
  • On the Hunt(sman)

    Salt Lake Tribune chairman Paul Huntsman claimed newspaper was 'compromised' after he launched private investigations unit.
    • Aug 24, 2022
  • 'Trash Headline'

    Utah Gov. Spencer Cox is proud to be smart in a “stupid age,” but don’t call him “woke.”
    • Aug 18, 2022
  • More »

© 2022 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation