The Ocho | A Private Club for Members | The Ocho | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

The Ocho | A Private Club for Members 

Pin It
Favorite
art5720widea.jpg


Eight fine-print stipulations in the proposed repeal of Utah’s “private club” law:

8. Bar patrons will be charged a 20-percent convenience tax for the trouble and money they’ve been saved.

7. The tax’s convenience tax paperwork is three pages long and comes with a special tear-off card that must be shown upon entry.

6. Liquor must be stored 12 feet from the floor; bottle meters to be replaced with childproof caps.

5.  Advertising disclaimer “Private Club for Members” to be replaced with “See You in Hell.”

4. Alcohol may not be served on holidays, election days or school days.

3. Ratings for cocktails like “Sex on the Beach” and “Wet Pussy” will be upgraded from PG-13 to R.

2. Vodka may not be served as a shot. It’s just gay.

1. Four words: “Baptism for the Drunk.”

Pin It
Favorite

Tags:

More by Bill Frost

  • Get Happy!

    Happy! brings the weirdness to Syfy; Fuller House further erodes 'Merica.
    • Nov 29, 2017
  • Available Jones

    Eight great achievements by Utah Gov. Gary Herbert during eight years in office.
    • Nov 29, 2017
  • Thanks for Nothin'

    Eight things you just don't want to hear from family this Thanksgiving.
    • Nov 22, 2017
  • More »

Latest in The Ocho

  • Available Jones

    Eight great achievements by Utah Gov. Gary Herbert during eight years in office.
    • Nov 29, 2017
  • Thanks for Nothin'

    Eight things you just don't want to hear from family this Thanksgiving.
    • Nov 22, 2017
  • Justice League Assemble!

    Eight team members conveniently left out of the new Justice League movie.
    • Nov 15, 2017
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Orrin 4 Life

    Eight campaign slogans for Sen. Orrin Hatch’s run for an eighth term
    • Mar 29, 2017
  • Do Your (Other) Job

    Eight temporary private-sector jobs for future Utah guv Jason Chaffetz:
    • Apr 26, 2017

© 2018 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation