The primary objective of Universal’s latest reboot of its 85-year-old horror property is to establish an
Avengers-style “shared universe” with the other iconic monsters the studio owns. The secondary objective seems to be an experiment: Will audiences turn out for a Tom Cruise movie even when he’s woefully miscast and the movie is a mess? Cruise plays Nick Morton, a cocky, irresponsible looter of antiquities who disturbs the tomb of a cursed Egyptian princess (Sofia Boutella); she then imprints on Nick and wants him to become host body for the death-god Set. Annabelle Wallis plays the beautiful archeologist who correctly and repeatedly scolds Nick for being reckless and ignorant; Jake Johnson plays the comic-relief sidekick who yells things like “We're gonna die!” and “I never should have agreed to this!”; Russell Crowe plays Dr. Henry Jekyll. (I told you Universal was serious about this.) First-time big-budget director Alex Kurtzman delivers a few entertaining action sequences in Cruise’s wheelhouse—you get the feeling Cruise had a wish-list—but the film is glib, charmless, written-by-committee piffle with no character. Better stake this idea in the heart before it gets too far.
By
Eric D. Snider