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The Missionary Position 

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Mike Willden
tt
28, music festival director
ttServed Raleigh, N.C., mission, 1998-2000

How did you keep up on current events?
t
We called on a man in his 70s who had about a third of his teeth left, wore a large stained tank top and was as skinny and tall as a flagpole. Now, this was in 1998, and being a missionary, I was clueless about the whole Clinton sex scandal. But seeing Clinton’s face all over the papers made me curious. With a harsh Southern drawl and a bit of a lisp, this fellow explained: “Lawdy, Lawdy, I ain’t ever got what he got, not that I ain’t tried, da wife thinks it’s dirty and of the devil.” Still clueless, I responded with, “What did he get?” The old man grabbed onto his crotch and said, “He had some little gal’s face all down on his naked mess!” I guess you could say I got educated that day.

jerre@slweekly.com

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