The GOP Is Now the POT | Opinion | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

The GOP Is Now the POT 

SmartBomb: The completely unnecessary new analysis

Pin It
Favorite
click to enlarge news_opinion1-1.png

They like to say they are the Party of Lincoln, even though Republicans have stood in the way of civil rights, voting rights and equal rights since World War II. Maybe they like beards and top hats, who knows. But in reality, it is now the Party of Trump—POT. With the exception of lonely Utah Sen. Mitt Romney, who voted to impeach the president, Republicans have been in lockstep with the guy who bragged about grabbing women "by the pussy" and then screwed a porn star right after his wife had given birth. About 80% of the Trump/Republican $1.5 trillion tax cut went to the wealthy—as congressional Republicans cheered and took bows. As Mr. T goes on about protecting preexisting conditions in health coverage, administration attorneys are in court trying to kill it and Obamacare. More cheering. Many Americans are too busy to pay attention to such minutiae, which is good for the POT. But the coronavirus spoiled everything and revealed to even those carefree souls that the Blowhard-In-Chief can't lead in a crisis. All those shameless Republicans who were pretending Trump wasn't completely whacked because they got Supreme Court picks and rolled back environmental protections are now stuck to him like a fat guy on a porn star. The words "inject Lysol" will live in infamy.

Rush Limbaugh American Hero
OK, it's time we gave Rush Limbaugh his due. After all, President Trump did award him Presidential Medal of Freedom for his radio broadcast that began in 1988 and reaches 20 million "real" Americans. Rush keeps patriots firmly grounded in the good old days when men were men and Jim Crow kept people in their place. Remember this comment?: "The NFL all too often looks like a game between the Bloods and the Crips without any weapons." And when it comes to law and order, Rush is the best at calling a spade a spade: "Have you ever noticed how all composite pictures of wanted criminals resemble Jesse Jackson?" Remember the time Rush called Obama a "halfrican American" and played the song, "Barack The Magic Negro." Was that a knee-slapper, or what?

And Rush tells it like it is on immigrants: "Some people would say we're already under attack by aliens—not space aliens, but illegal aliens." And on same-sex marriage: "If same-sex fits the bill of the contract, then everything fits the bill," Rush said. "And at some point who's to say that you cannot have sex with a child ... ."

On women's rights, he's got the right answer, too: "When women got the right to vote is when it all went downhill."

Yep, when it comes to American values, there is no one like Rush Limbaugh. No wonder Trump gave him the American Medal of Freedom.

The Lying Bastard News Media
You know why Trump is always yelling at those stupid reporters and calling them Fake News? Because they are lying sacks of shit, that's why. Like this: On Jan. 22, when Trump said about coronavirus, "No, we're not worried at all. And we have it totally under control." It was the lying media that reported it.

And on Jan. 30, when he said, "We think we have it very well under control ... and we think it's going to have a very good ending for it. So, that I can assure you." It was the lying media again.

And on Feb. 10, when Trump said, "I think the virus is going to be—it's going to be fine." It was the damned news media.

And on Feb. 27, when he said, "When you have 15 people [infected in U.S.], and the 15 within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero. That's a pretty good job we've done." Yep, lying bastard news media. And when Trump said he was "a war president" and had "total authority," the media reported that, too. And then they reported Trump saying: "I don't take any responsibility at all." Then the media reported him saying this to governors: "Respirators, ventilators, all of the equipment—try getting it yourselves." It's all a bunch of bullshit because the news media is just trying to make him look bad because they hate him. What other reason could there be?

Will COVID-19 Bring Back Nature and Equality?
Abstinent pandas are now mating in quiet zoos. Whales have returned to the waters around Vancouver, B.C. And it's quiet enough to hear birds sing in Chicago. From New York City to Wuhan, China, the air is clear. The World Health Organization estimates that dirty air causes 4.2 million premature deaths a year. The question is, during this lockdown, can we envision a better future or will we go back to pollution, noise and poverty that is guided by an inequitable financial system? Can we structure our lives without cars? Can we increase renewables? Can we put a higher value on the natural world? Can we make sure folks on the bottom of the economic ladder earn a livable wage with affordable health care? Can we come up with better government that isn't driven by an exploitive financial sector and its enablers? Jonathan Watts, global environment editor for The Guardian, observes this: "Ultimately, the most important environmental impact is likely to be on public perceptions. The pandemic has demonstrated the deadly consequences of ignoring expert warnings, of political delay and of sacrificing human health and natural landscapes for the economy." Yet when we emerge from this scourge, the economy will be in shambles, and the urge to get it up and running again may well eclipse any notion of conservation and equality. It need not be an either-or choice, but don't count on elected politicians to lead the way.

Postscript: Well, sports fans, that does it for another week here at Smart Bomb, where the staff keeps track of the president's cures for coronavirus so you don't have to. Times are tough, but there is a silver lining to all this—drive-in theaters are making a comeback. For the younger crowd, it could be a great experience. There's nothing quite as entertaining as watching young people get drunk and vomit inside, and out, of their father's car. And, of course, it's completely virus free. For an added bonus, you can follow them to the car wash and watch as they wash off Dad's car along with their pants and shoes.

People have also rediscovered city parks. What's more joyful than taking the kids and the dog to the park to chase ducks? It's the kind of thing money just can't buy. Neither the youngsters nor the dogs will ever believe they can't catch those slow, feathery waddlers—priceless.

Another good thing about the pandemic is that people are finally seeing—after waiting in line for hours—that shopping at Costco isn't really all that cool. Who wants to stand in line for great deals, like a 48-pack of cinnamon rolls, anyway? Which brings us to home cooking and the resurgence of folks wondering how to use an oven. Time to bring the cookbooks out of storage. What is zest, anyway? Do we have a zest-maker? Ever wonder why people think cooking is fun? Some have about had it with their own concoctions and are ready to brave the vagaries of coronavirus for some Gang Keow Whan. And really, who can blame them?

The truth is, the staff here at Smart Bomb is jonesing for green curry, too. But since we don't dare make it, we're sending Wilson and the band on a mission to Archer Thai on 1100 East for takeout. And one day, we'll actually eat there again.

OK, Wilson, get the band to put down the Clorox and step out from the ultraviolet lights and play a little something from your old pal, Nilsson, to honor our commander in chief:

Now let me get this straight;
You put the Lysol in the coconut
You drank them both up
You put the Lysol in the coconut,
You drank them both up

Called your doctor, woke him up, and said,

"Doctor, ain't there nothing I can take"
I said, Doctor, to relieve this belly ache?"
I said, Doctor, ain't there nothin' I can take"

You put the lime in the coconut, you drink them both together,
put the lime in the cocount, then you'll feel better.
Put the lime in the coconut, and call me in the morning

Pin It
Favorite

Tags:

More by Christopher Smart

Latest in Opinion

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Climate Change Alert

    Regardless of what the founding fathers envisioned, today, they rest uneasily in their graves, wondering if their dreams will survive.
    • Nov 28, 2018
  • Utah and Somalia: Not So Different

    This barbaric practice has been renounced by the World Health Organization, and many enlightened countries have enacted laws to stop it.
    • Apr 3, 2019

© 2020 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation