Supreme Court to Rule on F-Bomb | Opinion | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

Supreme Court to Rule on F-Bomb 

Smart Bomb: The completely unnecessary news analysis

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By now, every kid in the country is aware the Supreme Court has agreed to rule on whether a high school student could use the F-bomb—off campus. Well, not just use it, but post it in a rant on Snapchat. For you adults out there, it might sound crazy: Why would you do something real stupid and then broadcast it? If you are wondering that, it means you're old. These days, young people post everything on the web. If you're at a drunken party, and you're raping a young woman who has passed out—of course you make a video and post it. In our day, we didn't do that. But we digress. The case in question involves a 14-year-old girl who posted this after failing to make the varsity cheerleading squad: "F—school f—softball f—cheer(leading) f—everything." That bummer got worse when school officials kicked her off the JV cheerleading squad for her rapid-fire F-bombs. But wait, what about free speech? Her parents filed suit in federal court. Now, you old people out there might remember that in our day, we had to take the punishment. Those days are over. But back to the F-bomb case: If it's anything like the last Supreme Court case, she could get life in prison without parole. But if it's like a SecondAmendment case, she still has the right to shoot her principal.

Proof America Is Not Really Racist
We all know America is not really racist on account of Lindsey Graham told us so. The Republican senator from South Carolina has proof: Barack Obama was elected president and Kamala Harris was elected vice president. So, you can just forget George Floyd—that might have looked like a lynching, but it wasn't. Mississippi Gov. Tate Reeves said so on Confederate Memorial Day, April 26, that celebrates Southern Heritage. "There is not systemic racism in America," Reeves bellowed. Rumors of real estate red-lining, bad schools and incarceration rates are just liberal noise. And anyway, do you want criminals voting? Some 47 states have passed or are considering legislation to tighten voting restrictions, but it's not about race. It's just that white people need to know that too many black people won't be voting. It gives Republicans more confidence that elections will be fair because there were so many questions after the last election—like WTF! Liberals think this rhetoric and new laws to protect our proud, white heritage leads to violence from White Supremacists, but it's really those Black Lives Matter commie insurrectionist bastards who are out to destroy our wonderful white country by demanding equal rights. God Bless White America.

Why Utah Republicans Boo Mitt Romney
1. He doesn't wear white pants and a red cap while golfing.
2. He never partied with call girls under age 18.
3. He still thinks Jan. 6 was a violent insurrection.
4. He's just not angry enough at the Deep State.
5. He keeps using elitist words, like "ethics" and 'integrity.'
6. He says Joe Biden won the election.
7. He thinks poor kids go hungry in this great country.
8. He said The Great Trump had "character issues." WTF.
9. He's a communist and a traitor.
10. And Utah Republicans boo Mitt Romney because they just hate his guts.

Postscript—That about does it for another fun-filled week here at Smart Bomb where we keep track of Republican prevarications so you don't have to. Americans love a good spoof. When Ronald Reagan rolled out "trickle-down economics," he said by giving big tax cuts to the rich and big corporations, the rest of us would prosper right along with them. We really liked the Gipper and thought he'd never screw us. But even George H.W. Bush tried to warn us and called it "voodoo economics." In the 1970s, Americans had affordable health care and higher education and housing. Kids were expected to be more financially secure than their parents. But Reagan's new conservatism was just a ruse to usher in the biggest upward redistribution of wealth in our history. We bought it—hook, line and indebtedness. Since then, the country's wealth—measured in GDP—has tripled but the middle class has seen none of it. Finally, someone called BS: "Trickle-down economics never worked," said Joe Biden in an address to Congress. It's time we reinvest in the American people and our crumbling infrastructure. When Biden said he would increase taxes on the rich and corporations to pay for it, Republicans blanched, and their eyes rolled up in their heads.

Well heck, Wilson, what do you guys in the band think of them apples and good ol' Joe Biden? Maybe it's time for an ode to Reagan and trickle-down economics:

You told me this, you told me that
You try to tell me, tell me where it's at
You said you loved me, I can see through that
Lies, lies, lies

You left me hangin', hangin' from a limb
You said you loved me, then you left with him
Lord, you did it to me, I see it in your eyes
Lies, lies, lie
Tell me baby, why you take my time
You get a thrill off playing with my mind
Lord, you did it to me, I see it in your eyes
Lies, lies, lies
"Lies"—J.J. Cale

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