Up in the sky, it's a bird, it's a plane, it's Gay Superman!
It was bound to happen sooner or later—a superhero was going to come out. And sure as shootin', Superman's offspring has declared that he's Bi. Dear Lord.
Here at Smart Bomb, the staff takes a live-and-let-live view. But the evangelicals, not so much. The new Superman, the son of Clark Kent and Lois Lane, will soon begin a romantic relationship with a male friend, according to DC Comics—and the Jesus freaks are having none of it.
You think vaccines were bad? Ha! That's nothing compared to this pushback coming from evangelicals, who, according to Professor Heidi Campbell, believe in preaching the Bible, spreading their faith, and going through a conversion experience that is not Bi-Curious. Accordingly, a Gay Superman is going straight to H-E-Double-Toothpicks. Preacher Jack Wyrtzen puts it this way: "Homosexuality is a sin so rotten, so low, so dirty, that even cats and dogs don't practice it." Well, that's not very Christian.
Overcoming this kind of bigotry could be a job for Superman—able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, more powerful than a locomotive and faster than a speeding bullet—but not in bed.
10 Ways the Pandemic Reshaped Our Lives
1—We now have to wear kevlar at school board meetings.
2—We don't have to work shitty jobs anymore.
3—We get to drink more booze because it's a COVID trend.
4—We can't (don't have to) spend the holidays with in-laws.
5—We have to take more Prozac because things are so depressing.
6—We can't go to the movies without a face shield, a mask and bear spray.
7—We have extra time to watch Republicans turn the world upside-down.
8—We have a better excuse to miss church (unless you're an evangelical).
9—We can punch out the person behind us on the plane if they piss us off.
10—And now we know that millions of "anti-vaxers" are batshit crazy.
Racism is Not Part of Our History, Right?
If you can't see racism today or admit it's part of our history, well, then it isn't. Among white Democrats, 90% agree that schools should teach about the nation's racial history. Among white Republicans, that number is 35%, according to The American Family Survey, an annual, nationwide study by the Deseret News and BYU.
The results are telling. Some 26 states have already or plan to introduce legislation barring the teaching of critical race theory (CRT) in public schools. CRT has become a GOP catch-all for teaching about racism from slavery to the present. "[It] undermines our founding principles, institutions, social mobility, and history itself—and schools should not be forced to teach it," said Sen. Mike Lee.
Of course, there is no mandate to teach it. Becky Pringle, of the National Education Association, said students should be taught about slavery and the racism of today. "We can have honest discussions about today's injustices and the threats to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness that still exist for many."
Until recently, most did not know of the 1921 Tulsa Race Riot, where mobs of white people burned down 35 blocks of the city's Black community, killing 39 and hospitalizing hundreds. But don't mention that, it could undermine Lee's principles.
Postscript—OK sports fans, you can stick a fork in it, another fabulous week is in the books here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of the trials and tribulations of Adele so you don't have to. Here's the latest from Sean Hannity, Tucker Carlson and the truth-tellers at Fox News: A new conspiracy has popped up on their Ouija board indicating Democrats in blue states will seek diaper mandates for anyone whining and crying about mask mandates. If this doesn't get your undies in a twist, what will? Imagine going through security at the airport and getting caught without your diaper—or worse, getting caught wearing your diaper. Note: Depends do not qualify.
Here's more good news: The state of Texas will not require that schools teach opposing views on the Holocaust—as in teaching that it didn't happen. And all this time you thought the Lone Star State had lost it just because they gerrymandered voting districts so that minorities must vote in Mexico.
And finally this: Donald Trump says that unless the Republican Party backs his baseless election fraud claims, his supporters will not vote in 2022 and 2024. Well that should show those unloyal bitches he's not playing footsie. He would never bluff about a thing like that would he? You be the judge.
Alright Wilson, we've done it again thanks in large part to Superman. OK, we know you and the guys in the band have a thing for that intergalactic lawman, Green Lantern, and we certainly can't fault you for that. So get us outa here:
Sunshine came softly through my window today
Could've tripped out easy but I've changed my ways
It'll take time, I know it but in a while
You're gonna be mine, I know it, we'll do it in style
'Cause I made my mind up you're going to be mine
Everybody's hustlin' just to have a little scene
When I say we'll be cool, I think that you know what I mean
We stood on a beach at sunset, do you remember when?
I know a beach where, baby, it never ends
When you've made your mind up forever to be mine
Superman or Green Lantern ain't got nothin' on me
I can make like a turtle and dive for your pearls in the sea
You can just sit there while thinking on your velvet throne
'Bout all the rainbows you can have for your own
When you've made your mind up, forever to be mine
"Sunshine Superman"—Donovan