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Nick Clark: “Utahn Blames Democratic Vote on Alco-pop.”
Derek Carlisle: “Moroni Sheds Gold in Protest of Beijing.” And, “Downtown SLC Crowd Complains of Long Beer Lines at Free Outdoor Concert.”
Paula Saltas: “God Speaks to Utah Leaders: “Don’t Make Me Come Down There.”
Cody Winget: “Obama, Nation’s Democrats Descend on Colorado for DNC. Utahns Fortify Borders Fearing Invasion from Crazed Liberal Antiwar Machine.”
Holly Mullen: “Utah Leaders to Beijing: Take a Bite Out of That Chunky Olympic Air, It’s Only ‘Haze’”
Jeff Reese: “Studies Show Utah’s 3.2 Beer Laws Lead to More Aesthetically Pleasing Population Due to Less Effective ‘Beer Goggles.’”
Ted McDonough: “Mayor Has Rocky Envy, Reportedly Tells Aides, ‘My Hair’s Just As Good.’”
Jesse James Burnitt: “Utah Senate Passes Bill Officially Making Utah a “Blinker Optional” State.
Jerre Wroble: “Editor, Dead Two Weeks, Found at Desk Appearing to Be Reading Copy”
Bryan Bale: “Chris Buttars Seeks Advice For Anti-Gay Legislation. Consults with Idaho Sen. Larry Craig in Closed-Door Restroom Conference.”
Cesar Guzman: “LDS Church Launches Own Fashion Magazine.”
Stephen Matney: “Asked About Feelings on Local Comedian’s Second Place Finish in a Nationally Televised Competition, Local Media Outlets Respond, ‘Who?’”
And, “Local Humanitarian Walks North on Main Street, Declares Bankruptcy by 200 South.”
Bill Frost: “Real Salt Lake Declines State Money, Will ‘Rape Residents Directly.’” And, “Utah Jazz Win in Squeaker Against Olympus High.”
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