Staffbox | Write an Onion-style headline | Staff Box | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

Staffbox | Write an Onion-style headline 

Pin It
Favorite
The Onion is known for its hilarious fake stories and headlines. Make up your own Onion-style headline about some Utah issue.

Nick Clark: “Utahn Blames Democratic Vote on Alco-pop.”

Derek Carlisle: “Moroni Sheds Gold in Protest of Beijing.” And, “Downtown SLC Crowd Complains of Long Beer Lines at Free Outdoor Concert.”

Paula Saltas: “God Speaks to Utah Leaders: “Don’t Make Me Come Down There.”

Cody Winget: “Obama, Nation’s Democrats Descend on Colorado for DNC. Utahns Fortify Borders Fearing Invasion from Crazed Liberal Antiwar Machine.”

Holly Mullen: “Utah Leaders to Beijing: Take a Bite Out of That Chunky Olympic Air, It’s Only ‘Haze’”

Jeff Reese: “Studies Show Utah’s 3.2 Beer Laws Lead to More Aesthetically Pleasing Population Due to Less Effective ‘Beer Goggles.’”

Ted McDonough: “Mayor Has Rocky Envy, Reportedly Tells Aides, ‘My Hair’s Just As Good.’”

Jesse James Burnitt: “Utah Senate Passes Bill Officially Making Utah a “Blinker Optional” State.

Jerre Wroble: “Editor, Dead Two Weeks, Found at Desk Appearing to Be Reading Copy”

Bryan Bale: “Chris Buttars Seeks Advice For Anti-Gay Legislation. Consults with Idaho Sen. Larry Craig in Closed-Door Restroom Conference.”

Cesar Guzman: “LDS Church Launches Own Fashion Magazine.”

Stephen Matney: “Asked About Feelings on Local Comedian’s Second Place Finish in a Nationally Televised Competition, Local Media Outlets Respond, ‘Who?’”

And, “Local Humanitarian Walks North on Main Street, Declares Bankruptcy by 200 South.”

Bill Frost: “Real Salt Lake Declines State Money, Will ‘Rape Residents Directly.’” And, “Utah Jazz Win in Squeaker Against Olympus High.”

Pin It
Favorite

More by City Weekly Staff

  • FUTURE MUSIC PICKS

    Park City Institute Presents Locals Live, At Long Last: Palace of Buddies, Going Live from The Harrington, and more.
    • May 27, 2020
  • THE ESSENTIAL A&E PICKS FOR MAY 28 - JUN 3

    Monster Energy Supercross, Community Writing Center Virtual Workshops, South Jordan Virtual Summerfest / Beer, Blues & Brats Benefit, and more.
    • May 27, 2020
  • THE ESSENTIAL A&E PICKS FOR MAY 21- 27

    Off Broadway Theatre Watch Parties, Utah Museum of Contemporary Art: Jane Christensen: Mapping It Out, Life Itself Live Q&A
    • May 20, 2020
  • More »

Latest in Staff Box

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

© 2020 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation