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Staffbox | Veep Impact 

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Utah has lots of good elected officials. Who would you have chosen to be John McCain’s running mate?

Brandon Burt: Since there’s no way in hell I’ll vote for four more years of Republican misrule, I can’t very well choose somebody I like. Anyway, we need the good ones right here. If McCain’s present choice isn’t entertaining enough for you, how about Chris Buttars? Two grumpy old men with anger-management issues—the Metamucil would be a-flyin’!

Cesar Guzman: Rocky Anderson, of course! He supports my kind of people.

Scott Renshaw: Since he clearly wants a fecund mother with impeccable conservative credentials, why not Gayle Ruzicka? Heck, she’s got about the same amount of foreign-policy experience.

Jeremiah Smith: Utah has elected officials? Huh—I always assumed that those were church-appointed positions.

Christopher Westergard: I think the sensible choice would be Miss Utah “G.I. Jill” Stevens. She is hot, blond, an adjutant general of the Utah National Guard, and Utah royalty. She sounds like the perfect partner in crime for John McCain.

Andrea Moore: I think one of the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders would have been a better pick. She would be a much better cheerleader than Palin and much better to look at. I mean, Palin’s role is merely to give us a cheer for McCain, isn’t it?

Susan Kruithof: Why, Chris Buttars, of course. He’s sure to bring in the crazy Christian right with his gay hating and Divine Design-loving ways. And even McCain looks young next to that guy.

Nick Clark: Dell “Superdell” Schanze. He’s bat-fucking-crazy, loves guns and blasts the liberal media. Isn’t that what they look for?

Monica Sorensen: I’d rather have McCain’s choice of Sarah Palin instead of someone from Utah. Why? Because I love watching Tina Fey make fun of her on Saturday Night Live, and with Palin in the running, Obama/Biden are shoo-ins! At least they’d better be, or I may have to move to another country.

Derek Carlisle: Any U.S. history teacher from our schools has been in charge of more people than Palin and could point out a world leader when she saw one.

Annie Quan: Sen. Scott McCoy. Let’s get a smart gay in the White House, who’s actually open and not like all the others who are there now.

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