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Smokin’ Deal 

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05/13/06, 16:24, Unattended Child, 1818 S. 300 West Costco

“The father left the 6-year-old son in the locked vehicle and went into Costco to shop. The complainant saw the child in the car as he was entering Costco. When the complainant left, he saw the child still in the car, now crying and sweating profusely. Officers responded and were able to gain access and get the child from the car. He was in good condition. Officers located the father and cited him for Failure to Supervise a Child.”

Don’t fret for this little trooper. Behold junior’s leverage going forward. “‘Gee whiz, Pop, sorry for dropping Fluffy in the spin cycle,’” he could argue. “‘But it’s like the time you left me in the car to swelter for a 6-gallon tub of mayonnaise'it just seemed like a good idea.’”

Lying Down on the Job

05/14/06, 11:25, Voyeurism, 90 S. West Temple, Salt Lake Visitors Center

“The 17-year-old female was in the restroom and her mother went in to check on her. She found [the 27-year-old male suspect], on his hands and knees, looking under the stall that the victim was in. The [suspect] ran over to the Marriot Hotel, where he purchased and put on a shirt from the gift shop. The mother told officers that she thought she saw the [suspect] driving a cab when they arrived. The [suspect] was identified when he came back across the street to reclaim his cab.

Welcome to Salt Lake City, where visitors might be interested to know, according to Google (See “Upfront”), we’ve got more repressed perverts'per Internet query'than anyplace in the country. And for a peek, one of them might even be kind enough to waive his fare and show you the sights.

First Impressions and Second Thoughts

05/06/06, 05:40, Shots Fired, near 200 N. 800 West

“A car owner was awakened when he heard his car alarm going off. He went outside and saw a male Hispanic, 18-20 years old, 5’4”, skinny and wearing a black do-rag standing near the victim’s car. When confronted, the suspect demanded the victim’s money. The suspect then fired a gun into the ground several times as he walked toward the victim. The victim threw his car keys at the suspect and the victim ran away. The suspect fled on foot southbound.

How gratifying it must have been to catch the pint-sized prowler in the act, perhaps briefly fantasizing ways of wringing his neck. And how emasculating it must have been to turn tail to that twerp.

How’s My driving?

05/07/06, 15:21, Road Rage/Aggravated Assault, 350 N. 200 West

“The victim honked his car horn at the suspect vehicle after it failed to stop at a 4-way stop at 200 W. 400 North. The suspect vehicle stopped and its occupants exited. After the suspects held a screwdriver and a knife to the victim’s throat, one of the suspects slashed a tire on the victim’s car. The suspects then fled. Responding officers located the suspect vehicle and one of the suspects. [A 20-year-old male] was booked for aggravated assault.

The mind boggles with each report of motorists morphing into deranged road warriors at the slightest annoyance. What with gas topping $3 a gallon, it’s understandable that the psychopaths in this episode might blow through a stop sign. But threatening to slit a fellow motorists throat for taking umbrage'WTF?

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About The Author

Shane Johnson

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