Santa vs. Jesus | The Ocho | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

Santa vs. Jesus 

Eight important differences between Santa Claus and Jesus Christ.

Pin It
Favorite
art12869widea.jpg
Eight important differences between Santa Claus and Jesus Christ:

8. Santa has a belly like a bowlful of jelly. Jesus won’t be found in your chimney dead of adult-onset diabetes.

7.
Santa knows when you’re sleeping. Jesus knows what you’re doing with that gym sock under the covers.

6. Santa has a list of names he checks twice. Jesus has the names memorized—and backed up on a cloud.

5. Santa’s helpers make toys for children. Jesus’ helpers make it difficult to get into Planned Parenthood clinics.

4. Santa says, “You’d better not cry.” Jesus has a far more enlightened view of emotional displays.

3. Santa will let you sit on his lap at the mall. Jesus will consider sharing a cart with you at Whole Foods.

2. Santa puts presents under the tree. Jesus has an aversion to tall wooden objects.

1. Dressing up as Santa is fun and festive. Dressing up as Jesus usually ends in a standoff with the Feds.

Bill Frost

Pin It
Favorite

Tags:

More by Bill Frost

  • Available Jones

    Eight great achievements by Utah Gov. Gary Herbert during eight years in office.
    • Nov 29, 2017
  • Get Happy!

    Happy! brings the weirdness to Syfy; Fuller House further erodes 'Merica.
    • Nov 29, 2017
  • Thanks for Nothin'

    Eight things you just don't want to hear from family this Thanksgiving.
    • Nov 22, 2017
  • More »

Latest in The Ocho

  • Available Jones

    Eight great achievements by Utah Gov. Gary Herbert during eight years in office.
    • Nov 29, 2017
  • Thanks for Nothin'

    Eight things you just don't want to hear from family this Thanksgiving.
    • Nov 22, 2017
  • Justice League Assemble!

    Eight team members conveniently left out of the new Justice League movie.
    • Nov 15, 2017
  • More »

Comments (3)

Showing 1-3 of 3

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-3 of 3

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Suck It, 2016

    Eight tired phrases to leave behind in 2016 (and their 2017 replacements):
    • Dec 28, 2016
  • The Porn Identity

    Eight adult films that triggered Utah Sen. Todd Weiler to sue for damages:
    • Jan 11, 2017

© 2018 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation