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Republican National Convention 2012 

Eight reasons not to hold the 2012 Republican National Convention in Salt Lake City.

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Eight reasons not to hold the 2012 Republican National Convention in Salt Lake City:

8. The downtown Olive Garden can’t accommodate 30,000 fine-diners over a week.

7. Mitt Romney has a whole lotta unpaid SLC parking tickets from 2002.

6. The Wasatch Front only has six 24-hour right-wing talk radio stations...

5. ... versus two—two!—NPR-affiliated stations. Might as well be San Gaycisco.

4. The Republican bar can’t accommodate 30,000 too-literal-drinkers over a week.

3. Since global warming doesn’t exist, the temperature in August will be a nippy 105 degrees.

2. The by-then-merged Deseret Tribune won’t have the resources to cover a GOP convention and General Conference.

1. Salt Lake County’s dead-hooker cleanup budget will likely be depleted by 2012.

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