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Renaming the Rose 

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Taking the lead from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, that would like to be known as the Church of Jesus Christ—rather than Mormon church—as a way of presenting a new and more accurate image during the 2002 Winter Olympics, we have come up with ideas that would put other parts of our community in better focus.

Because the American Stores Tower on the corner of 300 South and Main is such a landmark, we think it ought to have a nicer name. It should be called something a little more dreamy and spiritual, like My Blue Heaven. It has a nice sound to it and forwards a better notion of who we are as a people.

Our light rail system, no doubt, will give an image to global TV viewers and visiting journalists as one of a progressive people. But TRAX is such a pedestrian name that it doesn’t do our new railroad justice. We would like to rename it The Little Train That Could to show the world our positive outlook.

Rice-Eccles Stadium should be high on the list for a new moniker, as well. We could call it the Crimson Coliseum. Olympic visitors leaving the Opening Ceremonies might be overhead to say something like this: “We’re leaving the Crimson Coliseum on The Little Train That Could for My Blue Heaven.”

The only thing more famous than the Mormon Tabernacle Choir in these parts is the Utah Jazz basketball team. But there really isn’t too much jazz music played in this area. A more fitting name, perhaps, would be the Utah Saints. We borrowed one name from New Orleans, why not another? And Saints, of course, has more to do with our culture.

Renaming things unique and special to this area will really give us that added boost during the Olympics—and it gives us residents something to think about, too. There really need be no limit. The Wasatch Mountains, for example, could be re-named the Alps. Why not? For years people have referred to them as Utah’s Alps. This just makes it official.

Salt Lake City Weekly, to give outsiders a better view of who we are, on second reference would like to be called the New York Times. Publisher John Saltas will hereafter be known as John Pulitzer to give a better understanding of this undertaking. And Editor Christopher Smart will be called Edward R. Murrow—just because. Some people may scoff, but we think it will give us a better image in the eyes of Olympic viewers the world over.

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