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Pick Your TSA Privacy Invasion 

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Would you prefer a body scan or pat-down search?

Alissa Wells: I’d take the pat down. It’s my one time a year I get felt up by a stranger and don’t feel guilty about it.

Max Goff: It really depends on who is doing the pat down. If the chemistry is right, pat down wins. Otherwise, blast me with the radiation.

Erik Daenitz: Body scan. Then I’d hack the TSA image database where they’re saving all the scans. New Facebook profile pic!

Lindsay Fenton: I am really hoping for one of those pat downs. It will be the most action I’ve had in months. Seriously.

Wallace Greenwell:
I’m just going to pack myself up in a box and fly in the cargo hold. No screening. No screaming kids. Much more leg room.

Victor Serrano: I do not mind if they pat or scan me. Heck, they can do both. Just keep me safe!

Nick Morgan: Nudie pics and junk grabs? Can’t I have both?

Rachel Scott: Pat down, for sure! I just want to see the look on all the minimum-wage-earning TSA drones and angry travelers when I hold up the line, declaring that I will not, under any circumstances, go through a potentially cancer-causing “porn machine” that can see if I’m wearing a tampon or not.

Bryan Mannos: Instead, ask a trick question, like: And how many virgins will be greeting you on your arrival?

Jesse Fruhwirth: Give me the body scan. Naked pictures of me are all over the Internet already, anyway. Then again, my junk has been grabbed more than most handrails, so whatever. I’m pretty easygoing.

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