Oh, Honey! | Cover Story | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

February 10, 2016 News » Cover Story

Oh, Honey! 

A local's guide to love & sex

Pin It

Page 7 of 8

Songs of Sex & Love & Hate

A local music playlist for the smooth (and scorned) lover in you
By Randy Harward

click to enlarge c2.jpg

People write songs about anything, but statistics I just totally made up say that 73 percent of songs are about relationships. And did you know that 99.9 percent of our local musicians have experienced some type of romantic entanglement? (There's only one lonely virgin in the scene, but we won't out him here. At least not today.) And 100 percent of those music makers wrote songs about it! So here's a playlist fulla songs that follow the arc of a relationship. We'll subvert the moralism prevalent in our state and start with sex, then fall in love and finally, because monogamy is so 1955, break up.

Big Ditties! Hookup Songs


click to enlarge c1.jpg

This song is pure sex. The bump-and-grind bass, paired with the image of the titular, white-hot vixen, is enough to bug singer Eli Morrison for the digits of whoever inspired this aural Spanish fly. Then there's that sassy-snotty vocal: "Candy, candy, choc-o-late candy/ tryin' to get me to taste yours/ you're the one in the back of my head, sayin'/ don'tcha wanna eat me." Yum.

Canyons—"Don't Force It"

click to enlarge c2.jpg

If you want someone bad, you can't let them know. In fact, it's a good idea to make hanky-panky seem like their idea, like it's you who needs to be talked into it. When they nibble at the bait, activate your smooth talk. Express your hunger ("Can I double-dip, to taste you twice?") and how much work you're willing to put into their pleasure ("Oh, baby, this could take all night.") That's the secret to getting laid, right there in a breezy folk tune. Thanks, Canyons.

Thunderfist—"Want It, Need It" or "Dick is Afoot (Endino Mix)"


Fast-paced like it's trying to outrun a ragin' case of blue balls, "Want It" is about when you "just can't have it." You know, when you're beggin' and not choosin', so desperate that you pledge confidentiality if only someone would just please lower their standards and scratch your itch. Then there's the band's classic punk-rock "Dick," which could be a brag or a warning. Full disclosure, no surprises: It's common courtesy, people.

Reaper the Storyteller—"Best Sex"

click to enlarge the-reaper.jpg

A list of songs about doin' the do needs a rapper reppin'. In character as a typical club douche, Reaper, blends Isaac Hayes' famous slow-jam smooth talk and Blowfly's unabashedly libidinous rhymes. "I'll give you that good sex that leaves a big mess," he tells the object of his affection. And, later, he tries this one: "I'll be swimmin' in the coochie sea wit' my Moby Dick/ hopin' that your boat-shaped lips can handle it." Finally, realizing things aren't going his way, Reaper's character says, "Just remember you met the biggest dick you ever seen."

Awww...! Love Songs

Candy's River House—"Siren Song"

click to enlarge best-of-utah-music-2016---candy_s-river-house.jpg

We start off with this loud-and-proud barnstormer, wherein CRH singer/guitarist Jordan Young growls as much as sings, "I'm in love, I'm in love and she's my only one." It's no ballad, but it's what a lot of us guys sing in the car when we're especially proud of our women. You know, when we're not barking along to sappy ballads in, what we hope, is a private moment.

Starmy—"Belong to Love"

click to enlarge starmy.jpg

Remember what it was like to be on a date, at the movies, sitting in close proximity to your date and feeling the will-we-or-won't-we tension? You know your side of things: You're infatuated. But the question ("Do you belong to love?/ 'cause I belong to you"), like John Lyman's cool, funky bass line, is the whole of your inner monologue.

Mad Max & the Wild Ones—"The Screaming End"

click to enlarge best-of-utah-music-2016---mad-max-and-the-wild-ones.jpg

Nope, not a breakup tune. This surfabilly number is all about proclaiming undying love—again, at volume: "I'll never let you go until the screamin' end!" But love makes you want to shout from the mountaintops, or in this case, from the roof of a 1959 Ford Fairlane.

L'anarchiste—"I'm Here"

click to enlarge l_anarchiste.jpg

The lyrics are scanty and hard to make out, but the title, the watery keys and ethereal vocals say plenty. A comforting song to play for the person you love when they need you the most, and all you have are hugs and a couple of words.

Get Out! Breakup Songs

The Blue Aces—"I Don't Wanna Know"

click to enlarge the-blue-aces.jpg

Cristal Ramirez' raspy moan drips with sorrow in this song about getting jerked around, and dwelling in that shitty limbo where you're begging for an end to the torture, whether it's a happy end or not. When Ramirez' bandmates chime in and the chorus peaks, it's exponentially achy.

Cult Leader—"You Are Not My Blood"

click to enlarge cult-leader.jpg

Sometimes you want to hurt your ex, give 'em a taste of the pain they so callously brought you. Or maybe you just want them to understand, in no uncertain terms, that they should go—and stay gone. The hate in Mark Kozelek's words (yup, it's a cover) is icy and burning. Google the lyrics and memorize them. They'll work on everyone but the crazies.

The Moths—"You Sold My Soul"

click to enlarge the-moths.jpg

Eli Morrison, again, this time lamenting "lies on top of lies" in a snarl that lays perfectly over the bright, arena rock-via-the garage chords that ring like that string of untruths. A cathartic song for when you start to realize you're better off without her.

J.W. Blackout—"Whiskey, Weed and Wild, Wild Women"

click to enlarge j.w.-blackout-.jpg

This rowdy, garage rock-meets-roadhouse country number is good for when you're climbing back on the horse, even if you're high as hell, and hammered enough not to care that you used your last condom—and your best prospect for the night thinks chlamydias are pretty and smell nice. 'Cause, as Jamison Wilkins yowls, "She don't care!" CWBee MoviesWhether you're in the mood for Hulu & Screw-U or Amazon Prime & Booty Time, these Utah-centric flicks are sure to wet your whistle

Pin It

More by City Weekly Staff


    Park City Institute Presents Locals Live, At Long Last: Palace of Buddies, Going Live from The Harrington, and more.
    • May 27, 2020

    Monster Energy Supercross, Community Writing Center Virtual Workshops, South Jordan Virtual Summerfest / Beer, Blues & Brats Benefit, and more.
    • May 27, 2020

    Off Broadway Theatre Watch Parties, Utah Museum of Contemporary Art: Jane Christensen: Mapping It Out, Life Itself Live Q&A
    • May 20, 2020
  • More »

Latest in Cover Story


    Utah Portrait Arts photographers Steve Conlin, Nick Sokoloff and Paul Duane focus their lenses on locals striving to make sense of a pandemic.
    • May 27, 2020
  • Pet Sounds

    Pets speak their minds about hunkering down with humans
    • May 6, 2020
  • Our Community Part 4

    Local stories of adaptability and compassion to lift your cooped-up spirits.
    • Apr 29, 2020
  • More »


Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • China Girl

    A DNA test connected a Utah teenager to her mother—and to a story that was almost too tragic to bear.
    • Mar 4, 2020
  • The Pioneer of Ruin

    Amid a desolate mess in a Grand County ghost town, a young woman resurrects a home.
    • Oct 24, 2018

© 2020 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation