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Oh, Honey! 

A local's guide to love & sex

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Page 6 of 8

The Queen Speaketh

Miss City Weekly dishes on dating, hair teasing and why she hasn't touched a banana split in five years
By Enrique Limón
elimon@cityweekly.net

click to enlarge 6.jpg

Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Just ask Harry-It Winston, current Miss City Weekly. Soon after moving to Salt Lake City from Malad, Idaho, or "the Lotto capital of Utah," as she calls it, Winston clawed her way to the top, thanks in no small part to a vintage supply of Lee's Press-on Nails she found at the canned-foods store.

Currently, Salt Lake City's glamour fixture works alongside the Matrons of Mayhem in their monthly drag bingo and, in another equally fabulous move, recently unleashed drag Sunday brunch at Club X. We met over Middle Eastern food at Shawarma King, a fitting choice, wherein I cut straight to the hummus and asked her about sex. "That's one of my favorite topics!" she beamed, the overhead fluorescent lighting catching one of her rhinestoned lash appliqués.

What defines the dating experience in Salt Lake City?

The dating reality is: Are you a part of their group or are you not a part of their group? And, just how you are going to get into that click and mess with them? If they're married, I'm all about it, because it just ups the ante. Sorry girls, they're mine! Thing is, I have parts you don't.

What is your most memorable dating horror story?

I met a gentleman caller, and he invited me up for the evening. He lived up the canyon; he picked me up at the gate, fixed dinner and, apparently, I was, umm...the dessert. Since then, I can't listen to the sound of a whipped cream cannister. I blame him for making me lactose intolerant.

On the flip side, what was a good one?

One where there were no expectations. It was down to earth, relaxed and chill. We went to the park...

A park?

It was during the day, and it wasn't in the bathrooms or in the bushes, for once. I'm a lady of honor—I only do that when I'm in between paychecks.

What's your best advice for SLC singles?

Be yourself, be open to the opportunity of meeting people outside your cliques or your natural habitat, because you never know if Prince or Princess Charming is in that other group.

What advice do you give straight girls when it comes to dating?

Back off, he's mine!

What about your advice to straight guys?

Be open to the possibility of finding a fantastic drag queen that you might want to date, wink!

Would you say that romance is dead in Salt Lake City?

No. Look at all those people having babies. There are fleets of romance and lust, at least once every nine months here. Romance is strongest in the winter; that's why we have so many children here born in October.

There is a term in drag, kai-kai, to describe when two queens go at it. Have you ever practiced this particular brand of forbidden love?

No! That is just something that this queen does not do. She kikis but she does not kai-kai.

Why is that?

For starters, there are so many layers down there that I don't think you can find it. It'd be like huntin' between the couch cushions for that lost potato chip that you're just starving for.

OK, you have five minutes to get ready for a hot date. What do you do?

I put my lashes and some blue eye shadow on, my hot pink lips, and I don't worry about my garments because those things are coming off. I also make sure that my hair is at least presentable, so it has a chance to get messed up, you know?

Is volume a concern?

Yes. It's all about big and bold. The bigger the hair, the higher the fare.

Wow. I thought you were going to say the closer to God, but that works, too.

I still can't compare to those bitches in Utah County, but who wants the Bumpits, really? That was the '90s, sweetheart. We're past that, we're done.

What final piece of advice do you give to singles who long for true love?

Well, I gave up searching for my one love at the gym because it was much like a bath house, and you're not going to find anything there but foot fungus and damp towels. That's my advice. CW

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