Newsquirks | Links | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly


Pin It
Curses, Foiled Again
William Bates, 19, was arrested for robbing a gas station in Victorville, Calif., after he called the authorities to report the crime, claiming to be a witness but arousing suspicion. He subsequently pleaded guilty to assault and received a two-year prison sentence. A few weeks later, a woman who was raped and had her cell phone stolen 10 days before the gas station robbery reported receiving an e-mail from a friend wondering why she sent a photograph of an unknown man from her cell phone, the one stolen. The woman identified the man in the photo as the rapist, sending sheriff’s investigators to prison to take a DNA sample from Bates. Calling the photo “a big break in the case,” sheriff’s Detective Bob Thacker told the Victorville Daily Press, “We couldn’t believe that he sent a picture of himself to one of her contacts.”

• A bank customer who found a suspicious camera at an ATM in Sterling Heights, Mich., notified authorities, who concluded that a thief installed it hoping to record card numbers. The camera also took the thief’s picture. “He’s not a stupid individual to put on this type of scam,” police Lt. Michael Reese told the Detroit Free Press, “but his blunder by keeping the camera on will help us locate him and arrest him.”

One Hump Too Many
An Australian woman was killed by a pet camel that Queensland state police said tried to have sex with her. The 10-month-old, 330-pound male camel, a 60th birthday present to the victim, knocked her to the ground and lay on top of her until she suffocated. “I’d say it’s probably been playing, or it may be even a sexual sort of thing,” Detective Senior Constable Craig Gregory said, adding the camel already almost suffocated the family’s pet goat by straddling it on several occasions.

Shape of Things to Come
Some citizens of Keizer, Ore., protested installation of cement posts designed to protect pedestrians from cars, not because they impede traffic but because they resemble male genitalia. “I can’t disagree with that,” City Manager Chris Eppley said of the 52 posts installed at a busy intersection. “They certainly did not turn out the way we anticipated.” Eppley explained that the posts, which cost $20,000, were ordered from a catalog and looked much different on paper. The city is considering adding metal collars and chains to modify the phallic look.

Irony Illustrated
A youth football tournament organized to promote nonviolence in Cincinnati neighborhoods ended abruptly when one of the spectators was shot dead. Police said Earnest Crear, 19, was hit twice, and three suspects fled the scene. Organizers of the Peace Bowl insisted the shooting was unrelated to their event and pledged to continue holding the annual event.

Infernal Combustion
When Danny Fendley tried to start a lawn mower in his garage in Johns Creek, Ga., the machine burst into flames. Before he could extinguish the fire, it had spread through the garage. Fendley’s wife tried to toss a can of gasoline out a window before the flames reached it, but missed, spreading the fuel “everywhere,” Fendley said. The flames engulfed the two-story house in less than a minute, Fulton County Fire Lt. Gregory Chambers recounted, observing, “There’s not even one brick standing,”

Got You Under My Skin
An Israeli plastic surgeon has created an internal brassiere he claims makes the wearable kind obsolete. Dr. Eyal Gur’s Cup & Up bra is inserted under the skin in a 40-minute operation performed under local anesthetic. Cups made of silicone, the plastic already used in breast implants, are anchored harness-like to the ribs between the breast and the shoulder with thread-like straps and titanium screws. Once in place, everything is tightened to lift the breasts into a more “youthful” position, said Gur, head of microsurgery at Tel Aviv’s Sourasky medical center. Skeptics warned the silicone cups could harden under the skin and that women with larger breasts may feel the device pulling against their ribs. “You can’t stop gravity,” declared Lisa Sacks, a member of the British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons.

Busy Hands
A former Baptist pastor appropriated taxpayer money to buy himself adult-oriented books, DVDs and online services, according to a state auditor’s report obtained by The Des Moines Register. The report alleges that while volunteering at an agency helping Iowans with disabilities, Jimmy Weber, 45, a pastor for 12 years, took at least $30,311 in funding to buy assorted personal items, among them the books Pleasure Beach and The Kama Sutra; the CD Sex Machine by James Brown; the DVDs Ultimate Sexual Massage, Forbidden Games, Girls Gone Wild, Latin Girls Gone Buck Wild and Emmanuel’s Intimate Encounters; subscriptions to adult-oriented Websites; online camera services linked to a Website with adult content; various pay-per-view movies; and a subscription to the magazine Creative Knitting.

When Guns Are Outlawed
Police in Stafford Township, N.J., concluded that James B. Tomkinson, 77, killed his 67-year-old wife, Susan, with a commercial-grade nail gun and then used the tool to shoot himself in the chest and head. He died the next day. Explaining the difficulty of killing anyone with the cordless, compressed-air powered device, Chuck Schovanec, who rents tools and equipment, told The Press of Atlantic City, “If I shot you 20 times in the leg, you wouldn’t lose your leg or anything. You’d just have a lot of holes there.”

Compiled from the nation’s press by Roland Sweet. Submit items, citing date and source, to P.O. Box 8130, Alexandria, VA 22306.
Pin It

More by Roland Sweet

  • Anchors Away

    Canada's National Defence decided to decommission a 45-year-old navy supply ship without a replacement because mechanics in Halifax were spending a "disproportionate amount of time" keeping the vessel operating ...
    • Jul 29, 2015
  • Ablution Solution

    Spas in Japan now offer ramen-noodle baths. The baths are filled with ramen pork broth and synthetic noodles. Soaking in the broth is said to be good for the skin and to boost metabolism.
    • Jul 22, 2015
  • Milking the System

    The federal Medicare Fraud Strike Force concluded a nationwide investigation into home health-care fraud by charging 243 people, including 46 doctors and other medical professionals.
    • Jul 15, 2015
  • More »
  • Free Will Astrology | Feb. 5-11

    nARIES (March 21-April 19)nI was watching a martial arts competition on ESPN TV. It featured a fierce macho dance-off, in which rivals took turns brandishing their high-octane warrior choreography. At one point the announcer waxed poetic as the eventual winner pulled off a seemingly impossible move: “And that was a corkscrew illusion twist rodeo spin!” In the coming week, Aries, I urge...
    • Feb 4, 2009
  • News Quirks | School Daze

    Curses, Foiled AgainnPolice in Council Bluffs, Iowa, reported that a man who threatened a store clerk with a gun took cash and then pulled out a can of pepper spray and tried to spray the clerk. Instead, he accidentally sprayed himself in the face and ran away. n• A shoplifter who made off with $1,200 worth of designer purses from a store in Cape Coral, Fla., was run over twice by her getaway...
    • Feb 4, 2009
  • The Straight Dope | A Lion Shame

    My friend says Christians weren’t actually thrown to the lions in ancient Rome, but when I was at the Colosseum, I saw a big cross there in honor of all the Christians martyred at that spot. He insists this was just made up by the church to perpetuate their religion. What gives? —vbunny nThe story has its suspicious aspects, I guess. According to the historian Tacitus, Christians durin...
    • Feb 4, 2009
  • More »

© 2021 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation