Music | OMH! LOL!: SLC radio personalities let down their guard 

On Tuesday, July 29, KRCL DJ Circus Brown and X96 DJ Portia Early went on the first in a series of planned “dates” on which they’ll take turns exposing each other to new sights and sounds. Since Brown and Early admittedly have markedly disparate tastes, it’s possible some of their outings might take a nasty turn. It’s also possible that at times they might experience a revelation of sorts and inch one step closer to the other side. This being their inaugural excursion, we opted to send them to something neither one would otherwise attend: High School Musical at Capitol Theatre. The following took place between the hours of 6 and 12 p.m.

Circus Brown: Portia, I’ve been waiting too long for our first date. When we first met, I asked your dress size—that was a bit forward, but what you’ll find in this box will explain everything. Girl, this peach dress is made from the finest fabric blends Target has to offer. I want you to wear this when you accompany me to High School Musical. I don’t know if you’re familiar with HSM, you know how every generation has its Grease, or John Hughes? Well, this generation has a sweet buttoned-down version of American Pie. I’ve also sent a corsage I would like to pin to your dress myself, but if you choose, there is also a rubber band so you could wear it on your delicate wrist. I have arranged for my cousin Karl to pick us up in his limo and take us out to a fine restaurant where you will be showered with a bottomless pasta dish and the delivery of breadsticks that, if you wish, will never end. Girl, X96 and KRCL have been like the Montagues and Capulets, or the Brainiacs and Jocks, and you and I are Gabriella and Troy. Our love wants nothing but to sing and dance, it’s our life and not even Sharpay will be able to take that away. You’ll learn tonight in this musical that we need to throw off the shackles of the cliques we run in and do what our hearts desire. Tonight, Portia, I celebrate my love for you.

Portia Early: WTF??? Who are you? I thought when we were asked to do this, you’d take me to an obscure metal show or one of your favorite local bands, like Blackhole or Spörk. I would have taken scary hair bands over this any day. We looked absolutely ridiculous. Thanks for piercing my boob twice with that corsage that covered almost the entire right side of my body. Your uncle was obviously drunk, and I didn’t appreciate him looking at me through the rear-view mirror and occasionally licking it! It was disgusting watching you go through 12 different kinds of pasta. But the worst was you knowing every single song in High School Musical, singing so loudly that we almost got thrown out. Well, we almost got booted just because of your baby-blue, ruffled, gawdawful tuxedo that you probably borrowed from your sick uncle. Oh, and really, the only thing I did enjoy was sharing your spiked Sprite in the back parking lot during intermission. Next time, I’ll bring my own flask!

Our Verdict: All joking aside, this was probably the most expensive road show either of us has ever seen. If we’d rented kids or just not been the oldest people there without kids, we might have felt less out of place. Around every corner there’s another fad waiting to rot your children’s brain—HSM isn’t one of them. It’s uplifting, which is something next to impossible to find in today’s gore-based entertainment market.

Stay tuned for future adventures in mind-altering, consciousness-raising musical swaps.