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Mickey Mouse You Rat 

Smart Bomb: The completely unnecessary news analysis

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You know things are going south when the culture wars entangle Mickey Mouse and Goofy and the all-American cast that makes up Disney World. Florida officials have stripped Disney World of its special tax status as punishment for being "woke." WTF. Mickey Mouse, you woke rat, how can you support LGBTQ?

To recap, Gov. Ron DeSantis and his minions got down on Disney for not swallowing whole Florida's "Never Say Gay" legislation that prohibits classroom discussions about sexual orientation or gender identity "in a manner that is not age-appropriate ..." Reluctantly, Disney CEO Bob Chapek dismissed the law as crazy bunk and apologized to Disney's employees and said he would end donations to Republican candidates including DeSantis.

Before you could say, "Mickey Mouse Club," Florida lawmakers yanked Disney World's special status under the Reedy Creek Improvement Act that for 55 years allowed Disney special tax breaks and other unique privileges. The Sunshine State is now Scorched Earth. Nonetheless, Mickey and the gang will be around long after Ron DeSantis and his reactionary Republican Party are relegated to the dustbin of history. "Who's the leader of the club that's made for you and me: "M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E!"

Don't Look At Us—China Did It
Those darn Chinese. More and more, it seems like they cause most of our problems. They gave us COVID, rubber shoes, knock-off Rolexes and all kinds of other stuff. Now they've given us their air pollution, too. How do we know this? Because the Utah Division of Air Quality told us so.

It's all very complex, you see. There are complicated winds and complicated this and complex that, but when you get out your Sharpie there's little doubt about it. And there's the overriding fact that Utahns don't pollute. We don't idle our cars while waiting for the drive-up window. We don't warm up our cars in the driveway on cold mornings. We don't leave our diesel pickups running while we pop into 7-11 for smokes. And Utah's lax building codes emphasize quantity over energy efficiency—so it can't be that.

When the EPA, for the millionth-time, got on Utah's case for deadly elevated ozone levels, it was just too much for DAQ's Becky Close. "We have reduced a lot of nitrogen oxide and volatile organic compounds ... and you would expect to see a decrease in ozone." So it's got to be China—what else could it be? And since it must be China, then Utah should get a special EPA demonstration permit to allow us to pollute just a little more. Of course, people will get sick and die, but what can you do?

Mike Lee Did Nothing "Illegal" (Maybe)
Good ol' Mitt Romney. In defense of his fellow Republican from Utah, Mitt said, "From what I've seen so far, I don't think Sen. Mike Lee has done anything illegal." Let's break down Romney's declaration.

The first phrase: "From what I've seen so far..." isn't exactly a rock-solid endorsement. Mitt is saying, well, good golly Miss Molly I didn't see nothin'. And then there's the second part. "I don't think Sen. Lee has done anything illegal."

The key word here is, "think," as in, "I just don't want to think about it." After all, how could cooking up a scheme to undo a presidential election be legal? All Lee did was get together with Trump lackey John Eastman—who either missed his meds or had the wrong kind of mushrooms in his omelet—to read the fine-print in the Constitution that says anything goes. White House legal counsel called B.S. on the bogus plan to select alternative electors from swing states—but that meant little to Lee and Mark Meadows.

Lee texted to Trump's chief of staff that, "I've been calling state legislators for hours today, and am going to spend hours doing the same tomorrow." It's clear what was going on but Lee won't answer questions and he knows he doesn't have to—not in Utah. Forget legality for a minute, what about honesty, ethics and patriotism? Well, never mind.

Postscript—Another week is in the books here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of murdered Russian oligarchs so you don't have to. Looks like having $100 million yachts can have a down side.

And speaking of downsides, there's the Utah Democratic Party that is so crippled it doesn't dare run one of its own against Sen. Mike Lee in November. They dumped Kael Weston for the independent Evan McMullin, who is not stained by the scarlet D. Maybe the Dems should just fold up the tent, load up the camels and move on to Mongolia or somewhere where people want education and healthcare?

The would-be insurrectionist Lee will face two Republican challengers in a June primary, Ally Isom and Becky Edwards, who no doubt will split any anti-Lee voters. Lee is running for a third term after promising to seek only two, just like his hero, Orrin Hatch. Orrin, who served seven terms, died last week at 88. Mike Lee, senator for life—get used to it.

Even outside of Utah, pundits are predicting a Democrat bloodbath come November. Gasoline prices are up. Groceries are up. Airline tickets are up. And just try and buy a car. "It's The Economy Stupid." It might not be Joe Biden's fault that Putin rolled into Ukraine, but Dems will pay the price. Fair is fair—or not. Call it tough cookies.

Well Wilson, maybe you and the band have something for poor Kael Weston, who's been nothing but a loyal soldier in the Light Brigade known as the Utah Democratic Party. Now he's covered in tread marks 'cause the Dems tossed him under the bus. Where's Shakespeare when you need him? Alright, Wilson, pick it:

I've been run down
I've been lied to
I don't know why,
I let that mean woman make me a fool
She took all my money
Wrecks my new car
Now she's with one of my good time buddies
They're drinkin' in some cross town bar

Sometimes I feel
Like I've been tied
To the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Good lord I feel like I'm dyin'

My friends tell me
That I've been such a fool
And I have to stand down and take it babe,
All for lovin' you
I drown myself in sorrow
As I look at what you've done
Nothin' seems to change
Bad times stay the same
And I can't run
Sometimes I feel
Like I've been tied
To the whipping post
Tied to the whipping post
Good lord I feel like I'm dyin'
"Whipping Post"—Allman Brothers Band

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