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Livin’ W. Loca 

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Really Big News Flash!—Latin singing sensation Ricky Martin will sing “Livin’ La Vida Loca” at the inauguration of President George W. Bush on Saturday, Jan. 20.

We here at Smartbomb—as Ken Burns might say—are not making this up. How W. decided on Ricky isn’t exactly clear—although one of W.’s daughters reportedly said in the Drudge Report that she digs his belly button. Nonetheless, “Livin’ La Vida Loca” is certainly an apropos anthem for our next wild and crazy prez. Go W.!

The announcement that Ricky Martin will play the inauguration arrives on the heels of news that Christina Aguilera could open the 2002 Winter Games, as City Weekly reported last week. Coincidentally, or not, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir will sing at both venues. Yessirree bob! The Mo Tabs will be teaming up with Ricky, and chances are good they may also perform with Christina. We can’t wait for the Mo Tab rendition of “Livin’ La Vida Loca.”

Speaking of wild and crazy, Bill Clinton’s ratings continue to climb in the polls as he gets ready to split the White House. That’s the word from Pew Research Center for the People and the Press. By a 2-to-1 margin, people interviewed said Clinton will be remembered more for his successes than his failures. Monica, of course, is seen as a failure.

“A Few Good Thongs” is not the official slogan of the U.S. Marines, but it could be at the Twentynine Palms, Calif., Marine Corps base. The Associated Press is reporting that Marines there have posed naked for gay pornography being sold on the Internet. Pornographic pictures with Marines dressed only in thongs—and even less—were sent anonymously to Commandant Gen. James Jones, along with a notice offering money for nude Marine models.

The pornographic website uses the Marine Corps name and logo. One of the men pictured is wearing nothing more than a Marine Corps tattoo, according to the report. Videos are being sold with titles such as Three Lance Corporals. Semper Fi, dudes.

From our “News-You-Can-Use” file comes this: Archaeologists have found what they believe to be the world’s oldest insole—about 5,000 years old. The insole is said to be a men’s size 6. But more interesting is its makeup—moss. That’s right, according to the finding, the ancient people living in Switzerland used moss for insoles. They could have been the original “Odor Eaters.”

Speaking of Neanderthals, anthropologists from the University of Michigan and the University of Utah say we are direct descendents of Neanderthals, in a recent study presented in the journal Science. They contend that clearly identifiable traits of the Neanderthal—like the heavy brow ridge and sloping forehead—disappeared through interbreeding. “There are still Neanderthals today and they are us,” said John Hawks from the U of U. (Heck, we here at Smartbomb could have told you that—judging from our elected officials, anyway.)

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