Legalizing Dope … er, uh, Hemp | News | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

Legalizing Dope … er, uh, Hemp 

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Here’s some news that is bound to make some people extremely happy—perhaps even goofy: Nevadans will vote on Nov. 5 whether to legalize marijuana. No, it’s absolutely true. Here at SmartBomb, we would never joke about a thing like dope … er, uh, hemp.

If the hemp initiative passes, people over 21 could legally possess up to three ounces of bud, according to the Associated Press. Smoking pot in cars or public places would remain illegal. Although it’s unclear whether getting stoned at home and then driving to the all-night pancake house would be copasetic.

Groups wishing to legalize marijuana for religious purposes will no doubt flock to Nevada, where they can practice their religious freedom to get a buzz-on. Pot would be purchased at state-licensed head shops and taxed like tobacco. Paraphernalia, apparently, would no longer be illegal, either.

But federal drug czar John P. Walters warned Nevadans to vote down the measure, saying, “I don’t think Las Vegas and Nevada want to become the center for drug tourism.”

Don’t bet on it, dude.

• Speaking of voting, will someone please do something about corruption and vote counting in Florida? For cryin’ out loud, they’ve done it again in the so-called “Sunshine State,” where elections are decided in anything but plain daylight.

Recently, former U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno lost a Democratic Party primary election to political newcomer Bill McBride when new voting machines in Miami-Dade and Broward counties went on the blink—or was it the wink, wink.

Speculation runs rampant, as it did in the 2000 presidential election when the U.S. Supreme Court determined that George W. Bush had won Florida and hence the election. Some believe that Dubya’s brother, Florida Gov. Jeb Bush, would rather run against McBride than Reno.

• Speaking of bombing, a new Salt Lake Tribune poll suggests that two-thirds of Utahns favor taking military action against Iraq dictator Saddam Hussein. The poll seems to parallel polls of Americans generally who think bombing Baghdad is a good thing, considering that Saddam is one of the most despised men in this country. Not only has he replaced Osama bin Laden on that list but Jerry Springer and Bill O’Reilly, as well.

The notion of bombing Saddam back to the Stone Age is gaining support after President Bush’s address to the United Nations where he illustrated what a scumbag the Iraqi leader really is. Following the speech, Democratic leader Sen. Tom Daschle on Capitol Hill shrugged and said, well, if you’re going to put it that way, go ahead and bomb him. But then can we talk about the economy?

• Bombing Saddam’s oil fields, of course, will do nothing to help the “greenhouse effect” and the depletion of the planet’s protective ozone layer. Among a group of scientists meeting in Park City were those who believe that it could take at least 50 years to repair the layer that has been shot through from ozone-depleting chemicals. In the meantime, global warming and skin cancer rates will be on the rise, along with sunscreen products and broad-brimmed hats.

Although the federal Environmental Protection Agency had recently proclaimed that global warming was indeed occurring, the Bush White House played down the announcement, saying that nobody in Texas was complaining that it’s any hotter than usual.

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More by Christopher Smart

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