LDS church releases picture book for kids about Mormon polygamy. 

Good news Wilson, the LDS church has just released an illustrated cartoon book about the history of polygamy among Mormons. No, it's not like the Kama Sutra. Church leaders call it an illustrated version of Doctrine and Covenants stories.

For all you heathens out there, the Doctrine and Covenants is LDS scripture, along with the Book of Mormon and Pearl of Great Price. Church founder Joseph Smith got a message from God sometime around 1831 that Mormon men should take more than one wife. Smith is said to have had some 30 wives, although they're not all there in the cartoons.

It would be hard to keep track of that many wives. “Joseph didn’t want to marry other wives,” the children's book says. “But he knew it was a commandment from the Lord.” No Wilson, it really says that. He didn't want to marry all those young woman, but what could he do?

Lo and behold, God changed his mind about polygamy and told a new prophet—Wilford Woodruff—so in 1890. And that was that, except where it wasn't.

The prophecy ending polygamy came as the Mormon Territory of Deseret was seeking statehood and the United States did not condone plural marriage. It was probably just a coincidence, Wilson. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Anyway, it's important for youngsters to learn about polygamy, even though sex ed is not mandatory in Utah. Go figure.

Duck and Cover—Igniting a MAGA Civil War Make America Great Again with foreign workers. Them's fightin' words, and they fly in the face of Donald Trump's promise to expel immigrants so real Americans can have their jobs. But Elon Musk, a South African native, has a different take and recently squared off on Steve Bannon, among others, over H1B visas for skilled workers.

“The reason I’m in America along with so many critical people who built SpaceX, Tesla and hundreds of other companies that made America strong is because of H1B,” Musk tweeted, adding “Take a big step back and F--K YOURSELF in the face. I will go to war on this issue the likes of which you cannot possibly comprehend.” Whoa mamma, where's the bomb shelter.

Bannon quickly hit back: “Someone please notify ‘Child Protective Services’- need to do a ‘wellness check’ on this toddler.”

Bannon had complained that American engineering schools are full of people from South Asia and East Asia. Americans can't get engineering degrees and can't get into graduate schools, he said, because of all the foreigners. Musk's co-director in the unofficial Department of Government Efficiency (DODE), Vivek Ramaswamy, also took a shot across the MAGA bow: “American culture has venerated mediocrity over excellence for way too long.”

That doesn't include the popular TV show Duck Dynasty, does it?

Greenland Here We Come! Hey Wilson, have you made your reservations for Greenland yet? We hear it's pretty nice this time of year. They have giant icebergs breaking off glaciers and cool stuff like that. And the capital of Nuuk (pronounced “nuke”) is like the Panama City of the Arctic.

The cuisine is out of this world: Mattak, or whale skin and blubber; musk ox and seal meat used in Suaasat, a hearty stew. Makes your mouth water, doesn't it Wilson?

And lucky for us, it could become the 51st state if Donald Trump has his way. Oh no, wait—that's Canada. It's true Denmark doesn't want to sell its former colony that is now an autonomous region.

And speaking of Panama, we could soon be beaching it on the Central American isthmus because Trump wants to take back the Panama Canal. The U.S. completed the ditch in 1914 and turned it over to Panama in 1999.

Panama has cool stuff, too, like pygmy three-toed sloths, giant anteaters and kinkajous. You can relax on the beach with a nice glass of Chicheme (corn milk) and Porotos con Rabito (red beans and pig tail). Hard to beat that. And get this Wilson, Panama City has casinos and nightclubs. Little wonder Trump wants the canal back.

No Wilson, Trump would never manufacture all this stuff about Greenland and Panama to cause anxiety and confusion, while behind the curtain scheming to make “America great again.” He would never do that.

Postscript—That's going to do it for another fun, fabulous year here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of higher education so you don't have to. Wilson, did you know professors are evil? Yep, that's the word from Vice President-elect J.D. Vance, and he always tells the truth. And wouldn't you know it, Utah state legislators seem to agree. They're aiming to cut higher ed to the bone like a surgeon cutting out a tumor—only more like with an axe than a scalpel.

See Wilson, they're still all up in arms about DEI (Diversity, Equity and Inclusion) programs that discriminate against white men and have been banned by Gov. Spencer Cox from all state-funded schools and universities. But they're not done. There are university students who are racking up tremendous debt to become intellectuals who don't do any real work. Why study philosophy, literature, art, music, theater—some students even take a major in Recreation. Can you believe it, recreation for God's sake.

Instead of working, those students are being trained to be liberal elitists. And don't forget the protest in April when students pitched tents in President's Circle at the U of U to protest Palestinian carnage in Gaza. Who do they think they are, anyway? Luckily, police in riot gear put an end to that. The crackdown was lauded by the governor as he praised the First Amendment. And so it goes.

Well Wilson, the more things change the more they stay the same. It's hard to know exactly what the New Year will bring but it won't be dull. Why don't you and the guys in the band ring in 2025 with a little something to celebrate all the good stuff that didn't make headlines in 2024:

Stand on a bridge before the cavern of night
Darkness alive with possibility
Nose to this wind full of twinkling lights
Trying to catch the scent of what's coming to be (in this ...)
World of wonders ...

Moment of peace like brief arctic bloom
Red/gold ripple of the sun going down
Line of black hills makes my bed
Sky full of love pulled over my head
World of wonders ...
“World of Wonders”—Bruce Cockburn