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Lake Effect | War Stories 

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Utah AM-radio talkers, long besieged by the forces of secularism, were shocked to discover that Gov. Jon Huntsman Jr. has joined the enemy camp and declared war on Christmas.

“Can you see it?” demanded local AM-radio babbler Rash Hannitard, waving a sheet of folded, embossed blue cardstock in the faces of surprised Wal-Mart shoppers. “Right here on the inside of this … this travesty? I can’t even call it a Christmas card.”

Sure enough, the inside inscription read, “May your Holiday Season”—not “Christmas”—“be one of hope and peace. —The Huntsmans.”

When an agitated store manager pointed out that the front of the card clearly read, “Merry [Governor’s Seal] Christmas,” Hannitard started shrieking something about “the slippery edge of the wedge.”

A growing number of AM-radio talkers have decided to ignore the birth of their lord and savior. Instead, they plan to spend the month of December browbeating perceived political enemies and retailers who decorate their stores incorrectly.

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