Lake Effect | The Christmas War | News | Salt Lake City | Salt Lake City Weekly

Lake Effect | The Christmas War 

Pin It
Favorite
art5547widea.jpg

Secular humanists hate Christmas a lot;
If you celebrate Christmas,
you’re sure to get shot.
Don’t hang decorations and don’t deck the halls.
The secular humanists will cut off your balls!

The atheists hate Baby Jesus; the gays
Refuse to say “Christmas”—they say “holidays.”
Feminists won’t allow you to shop or wrap presents,
And scientists treat you
like dimwitted peasants.

Our spiritual leaders they don’t think of highly—
They dislike Rush Limbaugh;
they smear Bill O’Reilly.
And, instead of a manger bedecked in fine frillery,
They’d probably rather be worshipping Hillary.

So take down the holly and don’t trim a tree;
Be offended instead to the greatest degree!
This fight is a fight that we’ve no hope of winning,
But the annual Christmas War’s only beginning.

Pin It
Favorite

Tags:

More by Brandon Burt

Latest in News

  • Leasing Utah Away

    BLM proposed leases in southeastern Utah tick off environmentalists, Native American tribes.
    • Mar 20, 2019
  • Double Take

    State senator-turned SLC mayoral candidate Jim Dabakis raises eyebrows with KUTV alignment.
    • Mar 13, 2019
  • Legislative Hangover

    Stronger beer could soon be available on taps and in grocery stores across the state, but not everyone is happy.
    • Mar 6, 2019
  • More »

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Readers also liked…

  • Taking the Plunge

    Once flourishing, derelict bath house faces uncertain future.
    • Sep 13, 2017
  • Hear Them Roar

    West High Panthers confront demons and soar at season-opener game.
    • Aug 23, 2017

© 2019 Salt Lake City Weekly

Website powered by Foundation